just a mild crush.

There’s been this guy lately…that I sort of, kind of like. We have a lot of mutual friends, but we’ve only spoken to each other a couple of times. Let’s call him Lewis. We had a class last semester and one of our mutual friends, Juan, was in that class as well. Juan had made it very clear to me that he developed a crush and liked me. I’d like to know what he thinks of me, but as always, I’m too chicken to find out.

Once Juan told me this, I began to pay attention to Lewis more. I noticed he would often look at me, a couple of times we made eye contact. It was all innocent stuff. We went the rest of the semester not really speaking. We just went to class and he hung out with his friends in that class and I hung out with mine. Just recently, we were both helping out on the same production, and I hadn’t seen him all break long. Anyways, again, we made eye contact, and later I passed him and we had a brief dialogue exchange.

I don’t know if we’ll have any classes this semester but I’m kind of hoping that we do. I know all of this seems pretty trivial and not that big of a deal, but I live for the small stuff like this, even if it’s not what I think it is. Aside from that, I’ve heard he doesn’t drink and is straight-edge like me, which is I guess part of the reason why I like him…not that I have a problem with people who drink, but I don’t think I’d ever be able to date someone who does drugs. Just saying. Oh, and we’re both graduating this semester…sighhhhh.

– beautifuldarkmystery

oh my gosh, you guys.

So yesterday was one of the craziest days of my semester so far. I went to school, even though I didn’t have classes because of my friends, we’ll call him “Sean,” needed my help editing a video. So we worked on that and then went to have lunch. “Tom” joined us and it was weird because he was really quiet, like quieter than usual and every time I tried talking to him, he didn’t seem to want to talk to me.

Anyways, Tom had to leave for class and so it was just me and Sean. We were sitting outside having really deep conversations. I’ve opened up to him so much since we met. He’s just one of those people I automatically felt comfortable enough to let my guard down and tell him about my life. He’s a really sensitive and understanding person and we’re a lot alike in many ways, including our perceptions of relationships and life in general. So we were having a good conversation until his phone rang. It was his girlfriend, but I didn’t know that until he hung up. He finished the call and then looks at me. When he gets nervous, he starts smiling a lot so I knew something was wrong. I asked him what’s up and he basically said his girlfriend is super jealous that he and I have been hanging out a lot lately, just the two of us. I didn’t like where this was going. I am NOT the type of girl who would do that to another girl. If someone is in a relationship, that’s an automatic no for me. I honestly thought we were just friends hanging out, but apparently, he thought differently.

Their relationship is complicated. They’ve been dating for a long time now and both have issues that they’re trying to work out. Before we started working on our film, he was considering ending the relationship because he wasn’t happy anymore. Last week, he and I hung out, just the two of us. This is where it gets messy. So apparently he told her he was going to hang out with some of his guy friends, but really, he went to hang out with me. I uploaded the pictures to Facebook and she saw him and confronted him about it. They got into a huge argument and it completely blew up. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I couldn’t believe he lied to her like that and now I was in the middle of it. Now I’ve got this girl who hates my guts and she doesn’t even know me. My intentions were never to take him away from her. I would NEVER do that to ANYONE! I wanted to cry.

Eventually, the conversation reached a peak when she asked him if he liked me. He said yes. My jaw dropped as he was explaining all of this to me. Now, I’m sort of in a sticky situation. I’ve got this guy who likes me, but he’s in a relationship. He’s considering leaving her for me. There are a couple things wrong with that. A) I don’t want to be another reason for ending their relationship and B) I don’t want to be the rebound. C) I am interested in someone else. I don’t see him the same way he sees me.

But wait, it gets better. He told me that she wants to meet me and of course, I’m open to it. I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot and I don’t her to think of me like that. But before I could get in another word, she shows up right in front of us. Now I’m in an even more awkward situation because now it’s the three of us, sitting there. Right off the bat, she was acting super nice because I don’t know if she knows that I know about what Mark told me about their relationship. Anyways, so I could tell she wasn’t being completely sincere because I KNOW that she hates my guts right now. But I tried to be as genuine as possible. I couldn’t ignore the fact that I felt super uncomfortable. She made it known they were in a relationship, smiling at him, calling him pet names, and touching him every once in a while. I knew what she was doing, but I very well know he’s in a relationship and like I’ve said, I WOULD NEVER DO THAT! Nothing happened between us. If a friend wants to hang out, I’m going to hang out with him/her.

I get home later that night and end up talking to Tom on the phone about what had went down. He wanted to make sure I was okay. But yeah, my life just took a turn and I’m still trying to process everything…especially after the phone call I got this morning from Sean.

He basically said he can’t stop thinking about me and that he’s thought about getting me flowers and even meeting my parents. Talk about feeling overwhelmed! Is there an emotion that’s a level further than that…because that’s how I felt. To make things even better, he said he really is considering breaking up with her to go out with me. He said that when he’s around me he feels happy and he hasn’t felt that happy in a long time. The more I heard this, the more I wanted to cringe. He is a nice person and I was trying to let him down easy, but I don’t think he was getting the hint. I hate rejecting people, but I can’t help who I have feelings for. I guess in a sense, he knows what I’m going through. He likes someone who doesn’t like him back in that way…just like I like this guy who doesn’t see me as more than a friend. It sucks. And I feel even worse about this whole thing because the whole time we’ve been getting to know each other has consisted of me expressing my feelings about Tom to him and basically venting about how I am basically in love with this guy who doesn’t see me that way. I don’t know what I’m going to do. He said he’s going to call me back later tonight, but I just feel bad that all of this happened. I never intended for any of it to go down like this and I wish I could hit the rewind button. I think I feel extremely overwhelmed because I’ve never been in a situation like this. It may seem trivial to you guys, but to me, my mind’s all over the place.


Have any of you been in a situation like this? What did you do? Any advice???

i guess that makes me still hopeful.

We got out of class early so he and I hung out for a bit and waited for his class. When we got the end of the hallway, he wraps his arms around me and just stood there holding me. He knew I had a rough week last week and I told him I had a rough weekend as well. So he just stood there, holding me as I buried my head into his chest and embraced this sense of security. Nonverbal communication is all you need sometimes. When he let go, I told him I needed that and he smiled at me. We might be seeing a movie this Friday night. Maybe this is it…it’ll be interesting to see what happens.


So tomorrow we’re shooting our short movie. Yeah, I am so nervous, but so excited. I hope this isn’t too awkward…I’m afraid that because we like each other and we know we like each other, awkwardness is going to be pretty much inevitable. Oh well, I still get to spend time with him, so I’m not complaining.

For those of you who didn’t read my other post, our short film is basically about this girl who’s rushing to her car and on her way, she drops her keys. A guy sees them and follows the girl to the garage (in a non creepy way of course) and when they meet, it’s “love at first sight.” ❤ He’s playing the male lead and I’m playing the female lead. The thing is…I never volunteered. They all volunteered me and then he volunteered himself. Coincidence? I don’t think so…


thoughts for the day.

So I’m sitting in the library right now…I have a 6 hour break, three hours are down, three more to go. It sucks when you don’t get priority registration or the classes you need are only offered at certain times. Anyways, that’s not why I wanted to write this post. I figured, since I have the time, I can do a little self reflection.

So basically, as far as my crush goes…I’ve actually kind of settled down for the time being. Over winter break I was obsessing over not seeing him and as crazy as it seems, 5 weeks DID make me crazy. I missed him so much and I know that if we really wanted to, we could have gotten together over break. I brought it up a couple of times but no one made the effort. I just feel bad because we live about two hours apart from each other and I don’t want to make him drive all the way to where I live just to see me. Then again, if he really likes me, he would do it anyway, right? Ugh, I suck at this sometimes.

Anyways, like I was saying…I saw him this morning in our class and we didn’t really talk all that much. It sucks because on Mondays he doesn’t have any breaks and so I only see him for that hour and 15 minutes and then we go our separate ways. But it’s weird…I feel so hot and cold with him. Like…one day I’ll really think about him and picture how things would be if we were in a relationship. Then there are other days where I just don’t see anything happening. I don’t know if it’s from a lack of “experience” in the dating world or what. But it sure gets a little confusing sometimes.

I think I’m just going to leave it alone for now…or at least until I can work up the courage and just say how I feel. THAT would be a HUGE step for me in terms of anything really. But until then, why worry about it…

I feel so paranoid typing this up in the library because I’m afraid someone’s going to just look over my shoulder and read everything. *dies* (not really). So yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at now. Hopefully I’ll be able to get more in-depth posts but for now, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Hope everyone’s having a great Monday!


10 signs someone is interested in you.

Found these on Tumblr…I would say that most of these apply to my current situation. What about you?

1. They stand closer to you or they keep a smaller distance when they’re around you. It shows that they are comfortable with you and want to get physically intimate.

2. They are more likely to face you when talking to you as opposed to standing sideways or away from you. However, if they are shy, then maybe this point won’t apply so much. Instead, they will periodically take glimpses at you when you’re not looking.

3. They’d try to get your attention for trivial things such as calling you about what homework they have or when the homework is due.

4. They smile more frequently because of you. Even if they don’t show it while around you because they don’t want you to find out they like you, they will smile when they think of you.

5. Their behavior can be passive aggressive. They may appear to show interest in you one day and not the other. Sometimes, this leaves you wondering if you pissed them off without realizing. When someone likes you, little things you do can hurt them, because they have taken a bigger notice to you.

6. They prioritize their activities with you. They may cancel plans just so they can meet up with you or assist you with something.

7. Their friends know about you. They have probably at some point confess to at least one friend their feelings about you.

8. They want to find out more about you to see if you’re single or available or/and if you’re compatible.

9. They will care about you if you are upset and they will often try to do something for you. Remember, people may not always tell you how they feel, but they will always show you. You just have to pay attention.

10. Last but not least, the most obvious sign is that they will feel upset or hurt if they learn that you don’t like them or when they get rejected by you.

The more of these signs someone shows towards you, the higher the chance they are interested in you. However, 1 or 2 of these signs alone may mean nothing at all. Furthermore, each person is different and this may not apply to all types of personalities, but this does relate to most. You can add more tell-tale signs below

via Psychology Quotes.

what does it mean?

So today was the first day of the semester and I had a really weird thing happen to me. I was really anxious to see “Tom” because I hadn’t seen him in a month. I was sitting in the library trying to kill time and all of a sudden my stomach started feeling weird…almost like it was doing flips. It was almost nauseating. I felt sick. I don’t know if it was because I was excited/nervous…but I’ve never had that happen to me before. I’ve never felt like THAT nervous/anxious about seeing someone ever. Even as I was walking down the library steps, I felt my knees shake a little and I could barely walk down the steps. I thought, what the heck is happening to me? Why did this happen? Is my body trying to tell me something? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?


Has a guy/girl ever made you feel like this? What was that experience like for you?