school starts tomorrow.

Is it weird that I’m excited? Give it a few days…then I’ll be saying something different. Haha. This break went by so quickly. I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely had time for myself…a possible indicator of what my future will look like? Yikes. The work is far from over. I have my second shoot this weekend, which I am kind of excited about. It’ll be interesting to see the different dynamics from set to set. I’m glad I’m getting in a lot more experience compared to a couple of years ago, or even last year in general.

I am looking forward to my schedule though. I feel like this will be an even greater opportunity to gain even more experience and that makes me happy. I’m going to be one busy bee this semester, but it’ll all pay off in the end…hopefully.

– beautifuldarkmystery

 

it’s been a while.

I almost forgot I had this blog, it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything. Well, my social life has calmed down a bit and is not as exciting so there’s not really anything worth sharing. As far as things go with my friend, it is what it is. I don’t think we’ll ever try this again. They say third time’s the charm, but I don’t believe that’s the case with this. He’s already broken my heart twice and I can’t stand to go through all of that a third time.

In terms of school, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been working on some short films, I’m currently a Production Assistant for a new indie series that will launch at the end of January. I have an interview on Tuesday for a possible internship for next semester. I can’t wait! I can’t believe this semester is over. It’s definitely been a crazy one, but overall, I’ve enjoyed the journey. One more left…then graduation. I can’t believe it…

– beautifuldarkmystery

so i started summer school last week.

Wow, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I forgot that since instructors have to fit a semester’s worth of work into 6 weeks, the workload is overwhelming! Oh well, hopefully I can manage. The first week is always a little stressful because you have to find a routine that works for you. On the bright side, now there are only 5 weeks left! πŸ˜› This summer is going by so quickly, before I know it, it’ll be August. Then I have to starrt actual school! πŸ˜› So much for a break, but that’s okay. I think it’s good to stay busy…just as long as its manageable. Haha

On another note, I am super excited to start filming my short! We’re looking at the beginning of August. *fingers crossed* I can’t believe we’re going through with this. I am beyond thrilled and I can’t wait to see how everything turns out. :’) This is a huge deal for me.

-beautifuldarkmystery

a little self-reflection.

So now that my school year is almost over, I figured it’d be appropriate for a little self-reflection. It might be boring, it might be interesting. I have to say that by far this year has been the craziest, both good and bad. Let’s start with the positives.

Fall Semester:
Fall semester was great. I wrote, directed, and produced my first short film. It wasn’t the best, but there’s a first for everything and the most important thing to do is to learn from your mistakes and move forward. With only a month to put the whole thing together, I must say we did a pretty good job. And for once, I didn’t have any irresponsible people in my group. Everyone was pretty much dependable and responsible and that’s all I could ask for. For our final, we screened all the final productions in the theater on a big screen…a little taste of what life could be like from now. It was pretty exciting. Although we didn’t win any awards, we were still winners in my eyes.

Fall semester was also when the guy I liked confessed his feelings for me. We were starting to grow closer and I got butterflies every time I was around him. This was the first time I got those feelings since my last relationship so for me, it was kind of a huge deal. Things like this don’t usually work out the way I want them to. It’s always either I like the guy and he doesn’t like me back or the other way around. :/ For the first time, I felt like things were beginning to fall into place and I might actually have a chance with this guy. But of course, things sort of fell apart next semester. But I’ll get into that later.

As for negatives, I don’t think I have anything. Honestly, all fall semester’s a blur to me now that it’s been a few months. I guess the only sad thing that happened was when the guy I liked said we should just be friends before we even went out on a date or even tried to be a relationship. I don’t know why he got cold feet all of a sudden considering he sure talked up a huge storm about having feelings for me over the year and a half we’ve known each other. Yeah, it sucked, but I wasn’t going to take it personally. In all honesty, it still felt a little weird, like we were trying too hard and some things felt forced and it shouldn’t feel like that. I was just excited to have a class with him again the following semester. During the fall semester, I didn’t see him at all until the very end when I made an effort to come to campus early and meet up with him during his break.

Spring Semester:
Spring semester was crazy! The semester started off kind of rough because I was in danger of being under-enrolled unit-wise. And for those of you who are in college and know how crazy it is during the first couple of weeks trying to get classes, you know how I felt. Once that settled, I got adjusted to my new schedule. I was happy to see “Tom” again on a weekly basis and I was really looking forward to this semester because of that.

Just as the semester started, I went to my major advisor because I wanted to find out how I could get involved in the film department Β on campus. He sent me to another professor, and I became her TA. Although that wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, being her TA was good work experience for me. It was crazy and overwhelming at times, but at the end of the day, I gained a mentor, someone who’s pledged to help me with whatever I need and write references if I need them. That’s more than I could have ever asked for.

A new semester means new friends and I continued meeting more film majors. One guy was in all four of my film classes, which has never happened to me before, but it was fun. We became pretty good friends. The beginning of the semester is always kind of awkward because you don’t know anyone in your class, but then I’m always sad when it’s over because some of the people I never thought I’d become friends with, I did, and it’s just sad when it’s all over. Maybe I’m just weid like that and I always get that bittersweet feeling when a semester is over.

I took a business of film class, which required us to volunteer at the film festival that occurs annually near our school. It was a LOT of work but totally worth it. I never thought that by working in merchandise I’d get as many opportunities to talk and interact with the filmmakers. But I did, and it was very inspiring and flipped a switch in me that made me want to start making more short films and getting my work out there. I definitely want to volunteer again next semester. I think it’s great that this class required us to volunteer because I don’t know that I’d necessarily do it on my own. I’m a very introverted person, as I’ve mentioned before, so doing this work definitely helped me step beyond my comfort zone and learn how to put myself out there. Overall, a rewarding experience.

And last but not least, I can’t forget about making the Dean’s List. It was one of my most proudest moments. Ever since I can remember, my dad’s always been the one who’s helped me with homework and projects. I’d like to think he’s half responsible for the grades I received. When I got to college, however, things changed. I stopped going to him for help and I made myself learn the material. I don’t know what it was, but something clicked and I wanted to do better. So when I found out I made the Dean’s List, I knew I did this on my own…that the grades I earned were all me, without my dad’s help. It’s like one of those moments…like when you first learn to ride your bike without the training wheels, or driving by yourself for the first time without your parents in the car…that kind of feeling. I attended the honors convocation and it was great. Sitting in the audience representing the College of Humanities & The Arts…Wow, it only makes me want to strive and do better in college.

Unfortunately, with the positives, there were also negatives. Let’s start with the most recent. I’ll never forget the day I saw someone die in front of my eyes. You see this stuff on TV all the time but you know it’s fake. A man jumped from the parking garage and killed himself. I’m glad I didn’t actually see it happen, but I still saw the aftermath. A limp, lifeless body in a pool of blood. I couldn’t believe what I saw and I think it forever changed the way I think about life. We say it all the time…life’s fragile, we’re only given one chance to live…but I don’t think you can truly understand what that means until or unless you experience something like this. For me it was a true shock because I’ve lived a pretty sheltered life and have never seen anything so graphic with my own two eyes. My heart goes out to that man and I hope he’s resting in peace. It breaks my heart that to him, this was the only solution. I’ll never forget that day as long as I live.

And then there’s the other negative, the one that left me with a broke heart. The night Tom basically told me he liked someone else was one of the worst nights of my life. I actually felt physically sick and it wasn’t until that night when I realize how hard I was beginning to fall for him. Unfortunately, things only got worse from there as I called him out on certain things, which resulted in us not speaking for a month. When we reconciled, I ended up forgiving him because it’s what I always do, but I let him know that I didn’t forget. Things are still a little tense, I feel because I actually thought this was going to go somewhere, but this was the semester we began to see each other’s true colors. I’m not sure I liked what I saw but I guess we’ll see what happens from here. It’s so hard for me to lower my expectations of him and as a result, I feel like I’m constantly disappointed. But this semester is over, which means fresh start this fall. We’ll see.

Overall, I can’t complain about this year. I’ve learned a lot, not just academically, but in terms of learning about myself, I’ve learned a lot too. There were definitely some bumps in the road but I made it and I’m ready for summer.

-beautifuldarkmystery

nerves.

So tomorrow we’re shooting our short movie. Yeah, I am so nervous, but so excited. I hope this isn’t too awkward…I’m afraid that because we like each other and we know we like each other, awkwardness is going to be pretty much inevitable. Oh well, I still get to spend time with him, so I’m not complaining.

For those of you who didn’t read my other post, our short film is basically about this girl who’s rushing to her car and on her way, she drops her keys. A guy sees them and follows the girl to the garage (in a non creepy way of course) and when they meet, it’s “love at first sight.” ❀ He’s playing the male lead and I’m playing the female lead. The thing is…I never volunteered. They all volunteered me and then he volunteered himself. Coincidence? I don’t think so…

-beautifuldarkmystery

this WOULD happen to me.

So….today’s been an interesting day so far. For one of my film classes, we have to create a one-minute movie using only a smart phone. Our professor wants to see how well we fair with limitations. So the entire movie has to be shot on a smart phone (including audio) and it can’t be any longer than 60 seconds.

I met up with my group this morning for some pre-production work. There are four of us, including me, and we were all in the same TV production class about a year ago so we all know each other pretty well. HE (*cough cough*) is also in that group, which means we’ll be working together.

We had a rough start, trying to come up with ideas and whatnot. We tried clustering ideas and that didn’t really work, and then my friend came up with an idea and we just went with that. Basically it’s going to kind of be a love story. All three of them volunteered me to be the talent and I basically had no say. So now I’m the actress. As for the actor, yeah, I bet you can tell where this is going. πŸ˜‰ Anyways, so here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to rush to my car (to the parking garage) and on my way up the stairs, I drop my car keys. When I get to my car, I realize I’ve lost my keys and I begin to panic. My friend, “Tom,” is going to be the actor. He’s going to find my keys and pick them up. He eventually finds me in the parking garage and gives my keys back to me and it’s going to be “love at first sight.” He sort of volunteered to play the lead actor 1) probably so he can play my love interest and 2) we have these matching keychains (I bought them when I went to Disneyland one time and gave him the other half for his birthday present last year). This will help the whole “fate” factor.

All I have to say is that this should be interesting. We’re going to play love interests in this 60-second movie, which will eventually be shown to the rest of the class. I am actually kind of excited, but definitely nervous. I don’t want to watch myself on screen in front of everyone, but I want to see if we have any on-screen chemistry. Okay, now I’m starting to get cheesy. I can’t wait to see how this turns out. We’re filming on Wednesday. Here goes nothing…

-beautifuldarkmystery

the perks of being a wallflower (movie)

WARNING: STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE FILM AND ARE PLANNING ON IT. THERE MAY BE SPOILERS (I don’t actually know that there really are spoilers, but I have to put this here anyway).

For once, I liked the film as much as the novel…maybe because the author of the book was also the director, executive producer, and writer of the film. TPFBAW is a must for all those people who never felt like they belonged somewhere. The characters on-screen were just as believable as the ones in the book. Both had me in tears because it was that moving.

The movie was a little more intense than the book during some parts. For instance, the fight scene between Brad and Patrick…that was a very hard scene to watch because of the content. It made me really emotional. Another scene in the film that was pretty intense was when Charlie goes back to his house after saying goodbye to Sam and he starts replaying all of the bad things that have happened in his mind and you can see him beginning to really lose control over himself. The first time Charlie replays Aunt Helen’s death was also an emotional scene for me. The flashbacks between him as a child and hearing Aunt Helen’s last words made the scene that much more effective and emotional.

Another slight difference between the two is that I felt like in the film, Charlie’s family was more “normal.” In the book, his sister, Candace seems like she doesn’t care that much about Charlie. There are a couple of parts where it seems like the two really connect, but overall, I got the impression that she didn’t want anything to do with him and didn’t want him in her business all the time. In the movie, she wasn’t as mean as I remember and she was actually very kind and loving toward Charlie.

One of the things I was disappointed about the film was that it didn’t include the part where Charlie goes over to Bill’s house at the end of the school year. Bill tells Charlie why he gave him all those additional assignments and said that he believes that Charlie is special and that the reason he told him that was because he didn’t think anyone else did. When I read that part of the book, I got really emotional because I really connected with Charlie and I admired that he had this teacher or adult that truly believed in his potential.

Overall, I really have nothing bad to say about the film vs. the novel. Both have forever impacted me and I strongly recommend people read the book AND see the film. It’s absolutely beautiful in its own way. Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, and Ezra Miller did a phenomenal job playing the main characters. The whole cast could NOT have been any better. It’s because of TPOBAW that I realize I need to find my Charlie, Sam, and Patrick in life. This one’s for the wallflowers.

-beautifuldarkmystery