college crush (part 2).

The more I hung out with Tom, the more I liked him. He was very cute, but also had the type of personality I look for in a guy…funny, sensitive, caring…plus we had a lot of other things in common besides our major. We both hate scary movies, we love our sisters more than anyone, we love Disneyland and want to go together someday, the list goes on.

Tom was one of those people who came into my life when I really needed a friend. Ever since I started college, I’ve found that I’ve pretty much drifted away from my close high school friends and during fall semester, my dog got really sick and we had to have her euthanized. Tom’s timing could not have been any better. He was there to comfort me and reassure me that everything was going to be okay and it’s hard not to get attached to someone who was there for you during one of you weakest moments.

After the fall semester was over, we decided we wanted to try and take more classes together for the spring semester. We ended up in two classes together and it was great being able to still see him every week. I kind of got the sense he liked me from the start because shortly after we started talking, he asked me for my number and we began to text back and forth. He dropped little hints here and there like telling me I was one of the prettiest girls he’d ever met, how much he loved my name, and things like that. My ex-boyfriend never told me things like that so you can imagine how I felt…hearing these things from a guy and for the first time in my life.

The more we got to know each other, the more the flirting occurred. Even though most of this happened through text, it was clear that feelings were beginning to develop, or were they? See, I’ve always been one of those people who over-analyzes every situation. I began to run through the questions in my head…Does he like me? What if he’s just being really nice? But would a friend send you texts like that? Oh my goodness. I need to work on that because thinking can become so exhausting sometimes. I’ve also been the one to hold back and wait for the guy to make the first move because I’m old-fashioned like that…that’s not to say that I think it’s wrong if a girl initiates the first move, but I’m more comfortable with it the other way around.

So I waited. We still hung out as usual. He invited me to his birthday get-together, and this was a huge step for an introvert like me. I didn’t know any of his friends and I knew it would be uncomfortable, but I still went because it was his birthday and I wanted to spend time with him, even if there were other people there. We hung out in downtown for the first part, and for the second part, they all wanted to have dinner together but I figured I put myself out there and I wanted to go home at that point. He didn’t really talk to me all that much and I figured dinner would be the same way so I didn’t want to put myself through more awkwardness. It’s not like I didn’t try. I talked to this one girl he had known in high school and we got along fine. But there was no doubt, I felt like the outcast because they all knew each other. The next day, he texted me and told me I should have stayed and that his friends wanted me to. I don’t think that was entirely true. I think he said that to make me feel better, but it was the thought that counted. I told him I had fun and that his friends were pretty cool.

A whole year went by and still, no one took action. By fall 2012, I began to think that nothing was going to happen, that he simply didn’t see me as anything more than a friend. Of coure, I could have just put myself out of my own misery and just asked the guy, but being an introvert, I didn’t want to risk embarrassment if I found out the feeling wasn’t mutual. I started to think that he was just being a nice guy and saying those compliments just to be nice. During this fall semester, we had zero classes together. However, we did see each other for a little bit on the first day of school because he was trying to add a class and I had a break in the library. He also told me he had something for me and of course, I got a little excited because I wasn’t expecting it.

I’ll never forget how I felt as I waited for him that day. My heart was racing, I was so anxious. You know that feeling you get when you haven’t seen someone in a long time and all you want is his/her presence…that’s how I felt. So I sat in the library and waited, and then all of a sudden I feel two arms come up from behind me and hug me and he kind of just stood there hugging me from behind for about 10 seconds and then we caught up. I was so happy to see him and I could tell he was happy to see me because he wouldn’t stop looking at me.

For the rest of the semester, we didn’t really see each other that much due to the fact we didn’t have any classes together and we were never on campus at the same time. Every once in a while, we texted each other, but it became less frequent. So I figured that we would just stay friends, and I was okay with that. But of course, I secretly hoped that he would have said something by now. I’m one of those people that likes to save conversations and re-read them. Maybe that’s weird to some people, but for those of you who do the same thing, I’m sure you can relate. The connection Tom and I had was instantaneous…I had never clicked with anyone so quickly before and I loved all of the conversations we had.

I’m so bad when it comes to friendships and relationships and just socializing in general. Sometimes I think there’s something wrong with me because it seems to come so easily to those around me. It gets frustrating at times, but this is what life’s all about…figuring out what works best for you right?

Anyway, so I became paranoid that maybe I was saying too many flirtatious things and it was starting to scare him away so I started to pull back and refrain from doing so. It was hard because I just wanted to tell him how I felt and now that I think about it, that’s exactly what I should have done…but no…people like me like to have these little mind games. 😛 I really need to work on that.  The less we started to talk, the more I was convinced that he didn’t like me the way I liked him…or he lost interest and moved on.

– beautifuldarkmystery


2 thoughts on “college crush (part 2).

  1. Ying Feels Yang says:

    i like the way you analyze yourself while you explain situation like:
    it’s hard not to get attached to someone who was there for you during one of you weakest moments.
    I’m one of those people that likes to save conversations and re-read them.
    people like me like to have these little mind games.

    • beautifuldarkmystery says:

      Yeah, I usually don’t tell a lot of people that…not even my friends know. But I like to keep and re-read old conversations because they take me back to a good moment and then I smile. And it is difficult to not feel attached to someone who was there during a time you needed a friend. It’s because you’re vulnerable and you just want someone who cares. It worked out perfectly and now he’s one of my good friends.

      – beautifuldarkmystery

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