texting vs. talking.

So I’ve talked a little about this before, but I wanted to make a more detailed post about this because to me, this topic is pretty black and white, but I’m open to all interpretations/opinions.

Communication is obviously important in any relationship, and to me, it’s one of the most important qualities I look for. I’ve said multiple times that I am one of those people who feels more comfortable texting the guy I like as opposed to verbally talking to him. As an introvert, I am often self-conscious about how I come across to people…the spotlight effect is my worst enemy and I am always self-conscious of what I say and how I say it. For me, it’s easier to sit behind a screen, think about what I’m going to say, type it out, and hit send.

Now, I know that for any relationship to be successful there has to be verbal communication…or does there? I’ve previously mentioned the show Catfish on MTV. Couples “fall in love” over the internet…through Facebook messages, AIM threads, or texting. I’ve always wondered how that’s possible, but in some cases, this has proven to be effective.

However, for me personally, I don’t like having the deep and personal conversations through text. I’d rather be there with him so that I can feel that emotional connection. I am a very emotional person as you’ve seen or will soon know. When someone shares something personal with me, I want to hear their voice, I want to see their facial expressions, I want to see their body language. I want to be in the moment.

I’ve made it very clear to my friend that I’m not going to tell my stories via text. When I’m ready to share something really personal, I want him to physically be there. This is not only so I can emotionally connect with him or vice versa. Verbal communication is something I truly want to work on and become better at. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with being able to communicate better through text or writing, or any other medium. But verbal communication is a must-have skill. It’s almost like you’ve got to be able to do both.

One of my friends made a short film on this concept. It’s basically about this guy and girl who are sitting across from each other, but they’re texting. Things begin to change when the guy tells her that he wants to be with her, and I mean really be with her…not through cyberspace. Towards the end of it, we see that they both have these machines connected to their backs, symbolizing that this generation is so infatuated with technology that we forget how to socialize in a sense. Once the guy and girl “disconnect” from their machines, they’re brought back into life and are no longer robots. It was really good and inspiring and definitely relevant.

My friend has expressed to me that he feels more comfortable talking through text than in person, especially when it’s about more personal. I think he’s kind of like me in that sense because he’s told me that all he wants to do is impress me and he doesn’t want to mess it up and all these other reasons. I thought that was cute, but I told him that he doesn’t need to worry about any of that. I am just as awkward as he is so there’s nothing to worry about. But I’m not going to force him to do something he’s not comfortable with. If he feels like texting me is his strongest way of communicating right now, I have to let it be. Hopefully one day, he’ll feel comfortable enough to not hide behind that screen.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Do you prefer texting or talking? Is one better than the other? Why or why not?

the perks of being a wallflower (movie)

WARNING: STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE FILM AND ARE PLANNING ON IT. THERE MAY BE SPOILERS (I don’t actually know that there really are spoilers, but I have to put this here anyway).

For once, I liked the film as much as the novel…maybe because the author of the book was also the director, executive producer, and writer of the film. TPFBAW is a must for all those people who never felt like they belonged somewhere. The characters on-screen were just as believable as the ones in the book. Both had me in tears because it was that moving.

The movie was a little more intense than the book during some parts. For instance, the fight scene between Brad and Patrick…that was a very hard scene to watch because of the content. It made me really emotional. Another scene in the film that was pretty intense was when Charlie goes back to his house after saying goodbye to Sam and he starts replaying all of the bad things that have happened in his mind and you can see him beginning to really lose control over himself. The first time Charlie replays Aunt Helen’s death was also an emotional scene for me. The flashbacks between him as a child and hearing Aunt Helen’s last words made the scene that much more effective and emotional.

Another slight difference between the two is that I felt like in the film, Charlie’s family was more “normal.” In the book, his sister, Candace seems like she doesn’t care that much about Charlie. There are a couple of parts where it seems like the two really connect, but overall, I got the impression that she didn’t want anything to do with him and didn’t want him in her business all the time. In the movie, she wasn’t as mean as I remember and she was actually very kind and loving toward Charlie.

One of the things I was disappointed about the film was that it didn’t include the part where Charlie goes over to Bill’s house at the end of the school year. Bill tells Charlie why he gave him all those additional assignments and said that he believes that Charlie is special and that the reason he told him that was because he didn’t think anyone else did. When I read that part of the book, I got really emotional because I really connected with Charlie and I admired that he had this teacher or adult that truly believed in his potential.

Overall, I really have nothing bad to say about the film vs. the novel. Both have forever impacted me and I strongly recommend people read the book AND see the film. It’s absolutely beautiful in its own way. Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, and Ezra Miller did a phenomenal job playing the main characters. The whole cast could NOT have been any better. It’s because of TPOBAW that I realize I need to find my Charlie, Sam, and Patrick in life. This one’s for the wallflowers.

-beautifuldarkmystery

romance & relationships in cinema.

I’ve always wished for my relationships to work out like the ones I see in movies. The guy is never afraid to show his affection for the girl. He constantly tells her how much he loves her and how much he means to her. I’m a huge sap for films like A Walk to Remember or The Last Song or any of those other Nicholas Sparks tear-jerkers. And honestly, if I can find a guy who will watch these types of movies with me, then he’s a keeper for me because in my opinion, THAT’s how guys are supposed to treat a lady.

It becomes so difficult to separat from those films because I have to remember that they’re fictional. It’s so easy to get sucked into it because it just seems so perfect and desirable. However, it’s like that saying goes…you can’t compare your love life to the ones you see in movies because those were written by screenwriters and your life is written by you. And it’s true. Our lives aren’t written by anyone…we get to have control and make the decisions. And this is reality…things won’t always happen the way you want them too, ESPECIALLY when it comes to love.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Have you ever had a love like the one in movies?

makeup vs. natural beauty.

Now this is a topic I’m more familiar with. As I’m getting older, I’m trying to embrace my natural beauty more. I first started wearing makeup in the 8th grade and haven’t really stopped since. I’ve always slightly struggled with the way I look, which stems from a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem (which, to this day, I’m not exactly sure where those issues are rooted). At one point, I couldn’t leave the house without putting makeup on and even if I didn’t have anywhere to go and stayed in the house all day, I would still put my makeup on. Ugh, right?

When I think about it, yeah I am somewhat obsessed with how I look, but I actually don’t think my makeup routine is all that intensive. My everyday routine consists of eyeliner and sometimes mascara. Being that I am Asian, I’ve found that eye liner and dark eye shadow really make my eyes pop. It’s so simple, but creates a HUGE difference (I’m sure you’ve seen those tutorials on YouTube about how much makeup can really transform a person). On occasion, I will wear lipstick and apply a powder foundation, but nothing too crazy.I think makeup is supposed to enhance your features, not make you look like a completely different person. I stay very neutral with the exception of lipstick. No crazy colors like blues, greens, pinks, purples. Very rarely do I wear false lashes. They’re a pain anyway.

I think I can speak for a lot of girls when I say we just love our makeup. It can get really difficult for us to accept our natural selves, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. It just takes some work and time. Am I still conscious about how I look? Of course, I don’t think that will ever go away. I’m not going to lie, when I like a guy, I will try to “spice up” my makeup routine and do something a little different to get his attention…but I’ve heard mixed opinions about this. I’ve heard that some guys actually prefer the caked on makeup, and there are a lot of guys that actually hate it when girls wear makeup because they prefer as minimal enhancements as possible. The former is just very superficial if you ask me…I prefer the latter. A guy who can love me despite the way I look…he’s a keeper.

Let’s face it though, we live in a pretty vain society so it’s hard to not be obsessive about the way we look…but that’s just it…it’s okay to use makeup to enhance your features, but don’t let it become an obsession. Don’t go crazy and let it consume your life because that’s when it becomes just a bit ridiculous. I truly believe people are beautiful in their own way…physically or internally. That’s what we should embrace.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Ladies, how much makeup do YOU wear (if at all)? Guys, do you prefer makeup on a girl or natural beauty?

materialism in relationships.

A relationship shouldn’t be based on materialistic object, but I’m not going to lie. I like a little materialism in relationships, but only a little. I don’t want to have expectations when it comes to this sort of thing in relationships.

I’m not all about gifts in a relationship. I believe there are other ways to show someone you love him/her or are thinking of him/her without buying something. But I don’t want to have to expect something on my birthday or for Christmas from my boyfriend. The thought would be nice, but I don’t want him to feel like he has to, just because I’m his girlfriend. Honestly, as long as I get to be with him on those days, that’s all that really matters. I think the best gift you could give on those special days/occasions is yourself…give your boyfriend/girlfriend all your attention. Be there in the moment, show that you wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. That will make anyone feel special.

I think it’s really sweet when a guy spontaneously give you flowers…and that’s the thing…spontaneously. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion. He’s doing it simply to show you that he’s thinking of you. Every time I see any guy with a bouquet of flowers, I melt on the inside. I think about the girl who’s going to receive them and I just think of how lucky she is. I’ve never had a guy gie me flowers (with the exception of my high school prom when my date asked me). But I just think it’s so cute, AND yet so simple.

I also love the idea of a guy giving a girl a promise ring to show that he’s committed and wants to be with her. But obviously you wouldn’t do something like this unless you two were in a serious and committed relationship. Otherwise, it could come off as a bit much. Personally, if that were me and I was in a committed relationship with a guy and he wanted to give me a promise ring, I think that’s one of the sweetest and most romantic things he could ever do. But I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Remember, no expectations with materialism.

A relationship should not be based on “buying” love, or at least that’s how I see it. Gifts can be seen as an easy way out, almost. Guys know that girls love this kind of stuff (I don’t know about the other way around), and it’s easy for a guy to do these things simply because he knows she’ll like it. You’ve got to be thoughtful about it or don’t do it at all. And don’t overdo it. Some of these things seem so old-fashioned, but some os us girls really love that kind of stuff. Even handwritten letters are cute, though very old school, but I’ll go into that in another post.

So I guess the point is, materialism is not a bad thing, but should be in moderation. We shouldn’t have to buy each other’s love with expensive jewelry or designer handbags. Let’s not forget about what it really means to connect with someone…through their heart, NOT their wallet.

-beautifuldarkmystery

How do you feel about materialism in relationships? Thoughts? Opinions?

important qualities in a relationship.

I know I’m not one to really speak on this, considering I haven’t been in many relationships. This is just my personal opinion and these qualities can vary from person to person. Here are qualities I value in a relationship. I call them the Three C’s.

1. Commitment. I know it’s a scary word, but we’re not looking to get married here. I mean, yeah, one day I hope to marry someone, but for the time being, commitment means that if a guy asks me to be his girlfriend, he’s going to stay loyal to me. One-night stands are not my thing. Part of committing yourself to someone means that you’re going to be honest with the other person. No one likes a liar and in my opinion, if you’re truly unhappy with the relationship, then get out. Don’t cheat. It’s not worth it in the end. Or at least, that’s how I see it. In my next relationship, I want to know that he truly wants me and a huge deciding factor in that is his willing to commit to one girl.

2. Communication. It’s something I’m working on and a relationship can work only if the two people can communicate. The problem I’m having is that I tend to like guys who can’t seem to verbally communicate their feelings and I mean really have a problem doing that. Both my ex and the guy I currently like can express themselves better through a screen, whether it’s AIM, e-mail, Facebook, or text message. My current crush has definitely told me that he’s way more comfortable talking about more personal topics/issues through text and I’ve told him that I’m trying to work on being able to express myself using my words because I can’t hide behind a screen forever. But I’ve realized that for now…I’m going to have to deal with it because if it’s his way of communicating, I’d rather have that than no line of communication at all. Perhaps as we become more comfortable around each other, he’ll slowly begin to open up to us when we hang out or spend time together. But communication is VERY important.

3. Chemistry. I know that sounds sort of stupid because it’s kind of obvious that there needs to be an attraction from both ends in order for the relationship to work. But here’s what I mean. In order for a relationship to work, both people need to feel wanted. Just because you can call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, doesn’t mean you should stop doing whatever it took to get that person. I think they call it “the chase” in relationship terms. When you really like someone…that person is pretty much the only one you think about…the last person before you go to sleep and the first person you think about when you wake up. During “the chase” you do anything to impress your crush and anything else that will get you noticed. Don’t allow that to stop just because you guys are going out. That initial attraction needs to be there…it fuels the fire of the relationship.

Those are the most important ones in my opinion. If I think of more, I’ll add to this post later. Oh, and there’s one more thing to remember…be happy. If you’re unhappy in a relationship then something is very wrong because the whole point of this thing is being excited about sharing your life with another person…connecting with him/her on a more intimate level. I don’t know if my crush and I will pursue a relationship, but if we do, I’m going to remember these things and learn from my mistakes with my last one.

-beautifuldarkmystery

What qualities do you look for in your relationships? Which are most important to you?

being the oldest child.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about what it would be like if I had an older sibling, but the thought seems so absurd because I’ve lived my whole life being the oldest. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like if my parents had another child after my sister, which would make her an older sibling as well. It’s weird to think of what could have happened, but this is how things worked out. So what are the positives and negatives about being the oldest child?

There have been plenty of times I wish that I had someone older than me to better prepare me for some of the transitions I’ve had to make in life. College is a great example. I had a really rough first year. Because I was the first child going off to college, my parents had no idea what they were doing. We didn’t know if we could request a friend to be my roommate so I was stuck with someone who was a year older than me who made no effort whatsoever to be my friend. She was terrible and my younger sister saw how much it affected me during my first semester. Seeing what I had to go through, she decided she was going to room with someone from high school because it really did scare her. Because of my experience she was able to avoid certain routes.

However, that didn’t work so well either. It turned out that rooming with someone she knew wasn’t such a great idea either. I believe that things happen for a reason and while I thought she would have this great experience because she and her roommate were at least acquaintances, her experience showed me it’s not all rainbows and butterflies either way. Either you end up with a really good roommate or a really bad one, whether you know the person or not.

So what am I trying to say here? Being the first isn’t so bad for the most part. I mean after all, you’re the one who gets to have your driver’s license first, you get to legally drink and gamble first (not that that’s really a huge deal, but it might be for some people). Birth order doesn’t really matter because in the end, we are all living our own lives. We will all go through different experiences. Just because I go through something, doesn’t mean my sister will follow in that same path. It’s taken me a while to register that, but I think I’m finally getting it. It doesn’t mean there won’t be any more times when I think about what it would be like to have an older sibling. I think I’ll always be curious. All I know is that being the oldest child can have positives and negatives depending on how you look at it.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Are you the oldest child? Do you sometimes wish you weren’t the oldest? Why or why not?