the perks of being a wallflower (movie)

WARNING: STOP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK OR SEEN THE FILM AND ARE PLANNING ON IT. THERE MAY BE SPOILERS (I don’t actually know that there really are spoilers, but I have to put this here anyway).

For once, I liked the film as much as the novel…maybe because the author of the book was also the director, executive producer, and writer of the film. TPFBAW is a must for all those people who never felt like they belonged somewhere. The characters on-screen were just as believable as the ones in the book. Both had me in tears because it was that moving.

The movie was a little more intense than the book during some parts. For instance, the fight scene between Brad and Patrick…that was a very hard scene to watch because of the content. It made me really emotional. Another scene in the film that was pretty intense was when Charlie goes back to his house after saying goodbye to Sam and he starts replaying all of the bad things that have happened in his mind and you can see him beginning to really lose control over himself. The first time Charlie replays Aunt Helen’s death was also an emotional scene for me. The flashbacks between him as a child and hearing Aunt Helen’s last words made the scene that much more effective and emotional.

Another slight difference between the two is that I felt like in the film, Charlie’s family was more “normal.” In the book, his sister, Candace seems like she doesn’t care that much about Charlie. There are a couple of parts where it seems like the two really connect, but overall, I got the impression that she didn’t want anything to do with him and didn’t want him in her business all the time. In the movie, she wasn’t as mean as I remember and she was actually very kind and loving toward Charlie.

One of the things I was disappointed about the film was that it didn’t include the part where Charlie goes over to Bill’s house at the end of the school year. Bill tells Charlie why he gave him all those additional assignments and said that he believes that Charlie is special and that the reason he told him that was because he didn’t think anyone else did. When I read that part of the book, I got really emotional because I really connected with Charlie and I admired that he had this teacher or adult that truly believed in his potential.

Overall, I really have nothing bad to say about the film vs. the novel. Both have forever impacted me and I strongly recommend people read the book AND see the film. It’s absolutely beautiful in its own way. Emma Watson, Logan Lerman, and Ezra Miller did a phenomenal job playing the main characters. The whole cast could NOT have been any better. It’s because of TPOBAW that I realize I need to find my Charlie, Sam, and Patrick in life. This one’s for the wallflowers.

-beautifuldarkmystery

picking a college major.

So for this post, I’m interested in breaking down the process of choosing a major in college. As someone who’s been struggling with finding the right field, I hope this will help those of you just entering college who still don’t know what you want to do.

To be honest, I should have been more proactive in high school. I didn’t know where I wanted to go to school or what I wanted to major in…until it was time to begin the application process and I was forced to start choosing places. The universities I chose to apply to, I may have well just picked them out of a hat because I had no clue! I ended up applying to three local universities that were close to home and I got into my “top choice.” I had declared English as my major simply because I loved writing and considered myself a fairly experienced writer since I did well in my English classes and was a staff writer/reporter for my school newspaper.

After my first semester of college, I decided to change my major to film. In high school, I loved putting together music videos with my friends and I loved working with cameras and editing. I took my first Film/TV Production class the following fall term and I’ll admit, it was overwhelming at first. But by the end of the class, I had made new friends who were also in that major and I had learned how the different positions of a TV studio work.

After that semester, things got a little dry, and by that I mean, I took the film history classes and the electronic media classes that are more lecture than hands-on. I was beginning to question if I was in the “right” major or not. I began to lose motivation and confidence, but one of my friends told me to stick it out because the film industry is very broad and there are many different options you can go into with that degree.

At the beginning of this school year (now a third-year student), I saw an educational counselor to get an opinion on what I should I do. She basically said that if I wanted to change majors, I needed to do it now because after you pass a certain number of units, you are locked in that major and can’t switch. They want students to get in and get out. That didn’t help, so I ended up staying with my major.

On top of that, I declared a minor. A minor is not required for my major but A) It looks better to have those two degrees and B) It’ll be a good thing to fall back on if film doesn’t work out for me…or I can marry the two and form my own independent company. Who knows?

To this very day, I am still unsure about whether film is the right field for me. But now I am starting to get into field-specific classes like film management, the business of film, audio production, etc. I hope to take a screenwriting class next semester. Hopefully I’ll begin to figure out what it is I want to do.

Now that I am a little older and a little more mature, I am beginning to be a lot more proactive than I was in high school. I’ve even calculated what it’ll take to get me out of school on time (Not that I don’t want to leave just yet because I actually like college). At my university, they make it practically impossible to graduate within 4 years because students can’t get their classes and there are budget cuts left and right. The likelihood of my graduating by next spring is still pretty slim because that’s only IF I can take summer school and get ALL the classes I need for the next two terms. It’s a huge “What If” game.

So if you’re out there and you feel completely lost, whether you’re in high school or college, don’t stress. You WILL find what works best for you. Sometimes you just need to give it time. Don’t rush into things so quickly like I did. Slow down, breathe, and see what your strengths are. What are you PASSIONATE about? What can you see yourself doing for the rest of your life? I know what it feels like to “fall behind” the rest of the pack. It’s hard to watch your friends move ahead of you, who have everything planned out. Just remember to run your own race. I have to keep telling myself that because I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others, especially when it seems like they have it so much easier than me. But I know, everyone has their own battle they’re fighting. So stay in faith, don’t lose hope, and be PROACTIVE.

-beautifuldarkmystery

i find this very interesting.

So I’m taking an Intro in Career Writing Class and I absolutely love it so far. Writing has always been a strong point and I love the books we’re reading on how to become better writers. It may not have anything to do with my major, but who knows…I may need this stuff some day. Plus the professor really likes me, so that’s a bonus.

Anyways, what I wanted to write about is blogging. I find it so fascinated that people, such as myself, tend to hide so much from family and friends…things we don’t necessarily want others to know…yet we come on sites like this, and publicly post our stories. Why is that?

And it’s not so much that I hide all this stuff from them. I tell my mom pretty much anything (because if I don’t, she’ll end up finding anyways, so it’s easier to just be upfront…mothers…). When it comes to my friends, I’m very careful about what I disclose to what people. I know there are people in my life who are just curious. The hard part is sifting through all of those people to get to the good, genuine ones. But even so, now that I’m thinking back on every friendship I’ve encountered, I’ve never found that one person who I felt completely comfortable opening up to…even my best friend of eight years. So what does that say about me?

But there’s a risk with telling your personal stories in such a public way…what if my family and friends DO find out? Well A) That is why my name isn’t posted anywhere on this blog, my avatar covers my identity, and I change the names in my stories, and B) None of my friends use WordPress (that I know of) or are bloggers, so I highly doubt they will ever find this. Basically, like I said, I wanted to create this vessel where I can get out whatever it is I’m thinking, good, bad, all of it.

I think for me personally, I like the idea of getting non-biased opinions about my life from other people who’ve experienced similar situations. Another thing is that I’m sitting behind a computer screen, where no one can see me. It’s almost like there’s a sense of security. And yeah, you may judge me for that and I may be a hypocrite for saying this because I’ve always been against people hiding behind computer screens. I’m talking about people who go online anonymous and start harassing and bullying people. That I don’t approve of. I’m not saying that what I’m doing is right either. But I believe everyone needs their own escape…one their friends or family don’t know about, where they can never find you. That’s what this blog is for me.

I apologize if this seems super disjointed. I’m really just rambling and writing down whatever comes to mind.

-beautifuldarkmystery

How do you escape your everyday life? Does it work for you?

thoughts for the day.

So I’m sitting in the library right now…I have a 6 hour break, three hours are down, three more to go. It sucks when you don’t get priority registration or the classes you need are only offered at certain times. Anyways, that’s not why I wanted to write this post. I figured, since I have the time, I can do a little self reflection.

So basically, as far as my crush goes…I’ve actually kind of settled down for the time being. Over winter break I was obsessing over not seeing him and as crazy as it seems, 5 weeks DID make me crazy. I missed him so much and I know that if we really wanted to, we could have gotten together over break. I brought it up a couple of times but no one made the effort. I just feel bad because we live about two hours apart from each other and I don’t want to make him drive all the way to where I live just to see me. Then again, if he really likes me, he would do it anyway, right? Ugh, I suck at this sometimes.

Anyways, like I was saying…I saw him this morning in our class and we didn’t really talk all that much. It sucks because on Mondays he doesn’t have any breaks and so I only see him for that hour and 15 minutes and then we go our separate ways. But it’s weird…I feel so hot and cold with him. Like…one day I’ll really think about him and picture how things would be if we were in a relationship. Then there are other days where I just don’t see anything happening. I don’t know if it’s from a lack of “experience” in the dating world or what. But it sure gets a little confusing sometimes.

I think I’m just going to leave it alone for now…or at least until I can work up the courage and just say how I feel. THAT would be a HUGE step for me in terms of anything really. But until then, why worry about it…

I feel so paranoid typing this up in the library because I’m afraid someone’s going to just look over my shoulder and read everything. *dies* (not really). So yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at now. Hopefully I’ll be able to get more in-depth posts but for now, I’ll keep it short and sweet. Hope everyone’s having a great Monday!

-beautifuldarkmystery

maintaining friendships from high school through college.

I’m starting to realize that even if someone had given me a “College Survival 101” book (as if such a thing exists), I don’t think anything could have prepared me for what I would experience during my first year and on…specifically with friendships.

One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with is growing apart from the people I was really close with in high school. I understand that we’re all going our separate ways now…different school, different friends, different path…but I don’t think that means just simply give up on the people who were there for you.

I can’t even count on one hand the number of people I still talk to from high school and we’re all in our third year now (more or less…I’ve got some younger friends as well). It’s hard. I understand that it’s a new and exciting experience…we’re learning how to be on our own, but I feel like a lot of people get so caught up in it that they just simply forget about everyone else and they don’t even see how it affects others. My hardest year in terms of trying to maintain my high school friendships has to be my sophomore year. Here’s why.

During my freshman year, my friends and I were thrown into these different environments and we were each others’ “safety zone” because of the familiarity. By sophomore year, you really learn who your real friends from high school are because they’re the ones who try and make an effort. This was really tough on me because one of my best friends just completely stopped trying. I knew him since sixth grade and he was really there for me during high school and I was there for him. We grew super close, practically like brother and sister close and to have that all ripped away was tough. I took it personally, even though I knew it wasn’t really my fault. There was nothing I could do about it. By junior year, I’ve learned to accept what has happened and I’m not as affected as much. I realize that life must go on. In turn, I’ve gained many new friends in college. I know God doesn’t take away something good without giving you something better and I am truly blessed to have met the people I have so far. Not only are they all pretty much in my major, but I’ve never clicked with a group of people so easily and so quickly.

That’s not to say I can easily look over the ones who HAVE made an effort to remain friends with me, and that is where I should be devoting my time and energy to. I do have a few friends from high school that I try to see during the breaks…it may be tough because we’re all on different schedules, but we make it work. One of my friends holds this annual holiday party, and that’s where I see most of the familiar faces I left behind. The thing is, whether we still keep in touch or not, everything still seems the same…we all talk about high school, we all ACT like we’re in high school again. It’s actually a lot of fun and it gives us something to look forward to at the end of the year.

But it’s always going to hurt a little, but this is part of growing up. When I was very little, my mom always told me that friends are temporary…they won’t be in your lives forever. Now I know what she means by this. I have taken so many pictures with my friends and I guess this is my way of holding onto the memories. They may have grown up and changed, but when I look at that picture, I can delve back to the exact moment that was taken and I will smile. I truly believe that God has the right people lined up for me and that certain people are placed in my life for a reason. I know my life is just beginning, and I have many more people to meet.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Was it or has it been difficult for you to keep your friendships from high school last throughout college? 

three worst qualities (things i need to work on).

So I’m hoping that by writing some of this out, it will help me get a better understanding of myself and how I think and what I need to change, so I’m going to start with three qualities about myself that I can work on. They are in no particular order.

1. Be more outgoing. As an introvert, I often like spending time alone as opposed to being in a crowded place with a lot of people. Hence, you’ll never see me at the night club, or at the mall during Black Friday (did it once, NEVER again). However, I’m in a major that requires a lot of heavy networking…that means talking to people. I don’t like talking to people because I’m always conscious about what I’m saying…like I’m going to mess something up. I believe in psychology it’s called the spotlight effect or something. It’s basically where you think people are are observing your every move when really, they don’t care all that much and you basically are freaking out for nothing. It’s not that I’m an anti-social person. I love hanging out with my friends and being at school doesn’t bother me. I guess it’s more of making an effort of putting myself out there. It’s something every introvert is not very good at, and hopefully, I’ll be able to work on that a little more.

2. Use my words. Since a child, I’ve always been very articulate with writing, but when it comes to speaking, I feel like I’m put on the spot and don’t know what to say. Especially with things like feelings or dealing with confrontations, I always freeze and panic because it just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to others. This is one skill I KNOW I have to get better at because in the future, I’ll need to know how to speak for myself and know how to do it effectively. I feel like I have started to become better at it. I took a public speaking course during my sophomore year of college (it’s part of our general ed, so there was no way I was getting out of that one). But I ended up surprisingly liking it. I felt like by the end of that course, I felt comfortable speaking in front of my peers. However, it’s been a while since I took that class (or have had to do a presentation or speaking engagement of any kind), so I may be a little rusty.

3. Not be afraid to fail. I don’t know where I get this from…but I am a perfectionist. If I can’t do something right, I won’t even attempt it. I know that such a thing doesn’t exist and that we’re supposed to make mistakes, and trust me, I’ve made a fair share of mistakes so far that I’m not proud of. But I don’t know how this came to be a fear. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to please my parents and make sure that they’re proud of me because the last thing I want to do is disappoint them. At the same time, I have to realize that this is MY life. I need to make myself happy as well and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I’m going. ¬†Perhaps this comes with being an introvert…we don’t like to embarrass ourselves so we try to do everything right. But I know that everyone makes mistakes. I just need to learn not to let those things get to me or take them too personally because that will ruin me in the end.

-beautifuldarkmystery

What are some things you would like to work on about yourself, if any?

romance & relationships in cinema.

I’ve always wished for my relationships to work out like the ones I see in movies. The guy is never afraid to show his affection for the girl. He constantly tells her how much he loves her and how much he means to her. I’m a huge sap for films like A Walk to Remember or The Last Song or any of those other Nicholas Sparks tear-jerkers. And honestly, if I can find a guy who will watch these types of movies with me, then he’s a keeper for me because in my opinion, THAT’s how guys are supposed to treat a lady.

It becomes so difficult to separat from those films because I have to remember that they’re fictional. It’s so easy to get sucked into it because it just seems so perfect and desirable. However, it’s like that saying goes…you can’t compare your love life to the ones you see in movies because those were written by screenwriters and your life is written by you. And it’s true. Our lives aren’t written by anyone…we get to have control and make the decisions. And this is reality…things won’t always happen the way you want them too, ESPECIALLY when it comes to love.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Have you ever had a love like the one in movies?