He said those words to me last night. I couldn’t be happier right now, and to tell you the truth, it scares me how strong of a hold he has on me. The reality of the situation is that there are two possible outcomes…either we break up or get married. That’s the perspective I’m trying to have with this. It may have taken us a while to get to where we are now, but I’m finally beginning to see that this was for the better. Waiting was probably the best thing we could have done for this relationship. He tells me he still regrets that he didn’t realize this sooner, but both of us are happy with each other and I can’t describe the feelings I have when I’m with him. I’ve never been this happy with someone before and I had no idea someone could make me this happy.
He said something to me the other night that kind of stuck with me…he said, “I can’t believe someone so beautiful and smart and sweet and kind and loving and talented would ever fall for a nerd like me.” He may be a nerd, but he returns all of what he claims me to be. He respects me, he makes me feel safe, and he loves me. I’d rather have someone sensitive who understands my feelings than not. As long as I am a priority in his life, I will accept him for who he is.
And it’s not just with words, but actions as well. He holds my hand in public, he looks into my eyes and I feel what he’s feeling, he gives me kisses when no one is looking, he always makes sure I’m comfortable. I couldn’t ask for anyone better. It may have taken us a while to get here, but if this is what was waiting for me on the other side, then I’m glad I held on a little longer. And here I was ready to say goodbye as soon as I graduated college.
When he told me he loved me, I already knew I loved him too. The things I did for him I wouldn’t have done for anyone else, and that’s how I know. They may seem like little things, but to him it meant the world and that’s all that matters to me. He has my heart completely, I just hope he takes good care of it.
There are some days I wake up still feeling like I’m in a dream, but then I have to remind myself that this is all very real. He and I are dating and we’re in a relationship. There’s no one else I’d rather be with and he feels the same way. When I’m with him, I get feelings and emotions I’ve never felt before. He’s really stepping it up and trying to prove himself because he knows he’s hurt me and he knows he has to make up for it. He knows he’s lucky I gave him a third chance, because I think most people would have walked away by now. But when you have strong feelings for someone, you always have hope, there’s a small piece of you that hopes that one day it’ll all work out. Well, just as I was about to give up and force myself to move on, he catches me off guard.
Most people would tell me that people can’t change, that if it didn’t work out the first two times, it’s not going to work out this time. Well they don’t know what we have. They don’t know that this time IS different. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. I can feel how much he wants me and how important I am to him. I feel it every time I look into his eyes, every time he kisses me or holds me.
I’ve had feelings for him for the last two and a half years, but my feelings are stronger now more than ever. No, he’s not perfect, and I don’t expect him to be. All I ask is that I am a priority to him, and that he shows me how he feels, not just says it. That night he verbally told me how he felt, it was one of the most attractive things. I know it took a lot for him to admit it because no one wants to show vulnerability, especially when there’s the possibility of rejection. But he took a chance and had no regrets about it. He makes me happy. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel like I’m the happiest girl in the world. I hope this lasts.
Last night, July 1, 2014, I said yes to being his girlfriend. Doing the whole long distance thing scares me and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it, but the way I look at it is that it can’t be easy all the time. To me, this will be a real test of our relationship. We’ll see if he steps it up and makes it work, because I know I will. He’s lucky I’m giving him another chance. The way I see it is, yeah, he hurt me in the past, but this time feels different. He really is trying to prove himself and I can tell that he really wants it this time. Don’t let me down…