i miss him.

I guess this is all part of the vicious cycle of trying to get over someone. I woke up this morning and started having all these flashbacks of him…all good ones. It doesn’t help when you’re trying to move on, but your mind keeps wandering back to those familiar places. I’ve been so tempted to text him lately, but I know that’s not what’s best for me at the moment. I’m trying to limit my contact with him.

It’s unfortunate that this is how things have to be, but I mean, it was inevitable. How distant he was on my birthday was somewhat of a reality check. THIS is our reality now. It’s so frustrating when you think someone wants the relationship, but in the end, he backs out because he’s “too afraid of ruining the friendship.” Is that really the case though?

I’ve had plenty of input on this situation, some from my guy friends (you wouldn’t believe how much that helps sometimes). At the end of the day, I am only in control of my own feelings. I don’t know what he’s really thinking or what he really wants. And as much as I miss him, I can’t go running back to him the minute I feel this way. I need to have more power and control. I want HIM to feel like he’s the one who’s going to regret this. Not the other way around.

– beautifuldarkmystery

it’s been a while.

I almost forgot I had this blog, it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything. Well, my social life has calmed down a bit and is not as exciting so there’s not really anything worth sharing. As far as things go with my friend, it is what it is. I don’t think we’ll ever try this again. They say third time’s the charm, but I don’t believe that’s the case with this. He’s already broken my heart twice and I can’t stand to go through all of that a third time.

In terms of school, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been working on some short films, I’m currently a Production Assistant for a new indie series that will launch at the end of January. I have an interview on Tuesday for a possible internship for next semester. I can’t wait! I can’t believe this semester is over. It’s definitely been a crazy one, but overall, I’ve enjoyed the journey. One more left…then graduation. I can’t believe it…

– beautifuldarkmystery