three worst qualities (things i need to work on).

So I’m hoping that by writing some of this out, it will help me get a better understanding of myself and how I think and what I need to change, so I’m going to start with three qualities about myself that I can work on. They are in no particular order.

1. Be more outgoing. As an introvert, I often like spending time alone as opposed to being in a crowded place with a lot of people. Hence, you’ll never see me at the night club, or at the mall during Black Friday (did it once, NEVER again). However, I’m in a major that requires a lot of heavy networking…that means talking to people. I don’t like talking to people because I’m always conscious about what I’m saying…like I’m going to mess something up. I believe in psychology it’s called the spotlight effect or something. It’s basically where you think people are are observing your every move when really, they don’t care all that much and you basically are freaking out for nothing. It’s not that I’m an anti-social person. I love hanging out with my friends and being at school doesn’t bother me. I guess it’s more of making an effort of putting myself out there. It’s something every introvert is not very good at, and hopefully, I’ll be able to work on that a little more.

2. Use my words. Since a child, I’ve always been very articulate with writing, but when it comes to speaking, I feel like I’m put on the spot and don’t know what to say. Especially with things like feelings or dealing with confrontations, I always freeze and panic because it just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to others. This is one skill I KNOW I have to get better at because in the future, I’ll need to know how to speak for myself and know how to do it effectively. I feel like I have started to become better at it. I took a public speaking course during my sophomore year of college (it’s part of our general ed, so there was no way I was getting out of that one). But I ended up surprisingly liking it. I felt like by the end of that course, I felt comfortable speaking in front of my peers. However, it’s been a while since I took that class (or have had to do a presentation or speaking engagement of any kind), so I may be a little rusty.

3. Not be afraid to fail. I don’t know where I get this from…but I am a perfectionist. If I can’t do something right, I won’t even attempt it. I know that such a thing doesn’t exist and that we’re supposed to make mistakes, and trust me, I’ve made a fair share of mistakes so far that I’m not proud of. But I don’t know how this came to be a fear. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to please my parents and make sure that they’re proud of me because the last thing I want to do is disappoint them. At the same time, I have to realize that this is MY life. I need to make myself happy as well and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I’m going. ¬†Perhaps this comes with being an introvert…we don’t like to embarrass ourselves so we try to do everything right. But I know that everyone makes mistakes. I just need to learn not to let those things get to me or take them too personally because that will ruin me in the end.

-beautifuldarkmystery

What are some things you would like to work on about yourself, if any?

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important qualities in a relationship.

I know I’m not one to really speak on this, considering I haven’t been in many relationships. This is just my personal opinion and these qualities can vary from person to person. Here are qualities I value in a relationship. I call them the Three C’s.

1. Commitment. I know it’s a scary word, but we’re not looking to get married here. I mean, yeah, one day I hope to marry someone, but for the time being, commitment means that if a guy asks me to be his girlfriend, he’s going to stay loyal to me. One-night stands are not my thing. Part of committing yourself to someone means that you’re going to be honest with the other person. No one likes a liar and in my opinion, if you’re truly unhappy with the relationship, then get out. Don’t cheat. It’s not worth it in the end. Or at least, that’s how I see it. In my next relationship, I want to know that he truly wants me and a huge deciding factor in that is his willing to commit to one girl.

2. Communication. It’s something I’m working on and a relationship can work only if the two people can communicate. The problem I’m having is that I tend to like guys who can’t seem to verbally communicate their feelings and I mean really have a problem doing that. Both my ex and the guy I currently like can express themselves better through a screen, whether it’s AIM, e-mail, Facebook, or text message. My current crush has definitely told me that he’s way more comfortable talking about more personal topics/issues through text and I’ve told him that I’m trying to work on being able to express myself using my words because I can’t hide behind a screen forever. But I’ve realized that for now…I’m going to have to deal with it because if it’s his way of communicating, I’d rather have that than no line of communication at all. Perhaps as we become more comfortable around each other, he’ll slowly begin to open up to us when we hang out or spend time together. But communication is VERY important.

3. Chemistry. I know that sounds sort of stupid because it’s kind of obvious that there needs to be an attraction from both ends in order for the relationship to work. But here’s what I mean. In order for a relationship to work, both people need to feel wanted. Just because you can call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, doesn’t mean you should stop doing whatever it took to get that person. I think they call it “the chase” in relationship terms. When you really like someone…that person is pretty much the only one you think about…the last person before you go to sleep and the first person you think about when you wake up. During “the chase” you do anything to impress your crush and anything else that will get you noticed. Don’t allow that to stop just because you guys are going out. That initial attraction needs to be there…it fuels the fire of the relationship.

Those are the most important ones in my opinion. If I think of more, I’ll add to this post later. Oh, and there’s one more thing to remember…be happy. If you’re unhappy in a relationship then something is very wrong because the whole point of this thing is being excited about sharing your life with another person…connecting with him/her on a more intimate level. I don’t know if my crush and I will pursue a relationship, but if we do, I’m going to remember these things and learn from my mistakes with my last one.

-beautifuldarkmystery

What qualities do you look for in your relationships? Which are most important to you?

do i have a type?

Do I have a type? I’d like to think that in some ways, I do, but I am also somewhat open-minded. For one thing, my mom has always stressed the importance of dating someone the same race as me simply because it would be easier for us to understand each other…same morals, customs, etc. But she said she’ll be supportive with whatever guy I end up with, as long as he treats me well.

I’m Asian, but to be honest, I’ve never been attracted to Asian guys. Well, I guess my first boyfriend counts, but based on what most people classify as “Asian,” he doesn’t fall into that category. He’s Middle Eastern. The only guy I’ve liking that comes close to being Asian was a guy that I went to elementary, middle, and high school with and he was half Asian. To me, he’ll always be the one that got away, but that’s for another post.

The guy I currently like is of Spanish decent I believe, but I have never asked. I probably should. Anyways, as weird as it seems, I don’t think I’ll end up marrying an Asian person because I’m just not physically attracted to them. I guess this generation is more like that these days…there’s more interracial dating going on, which I think is awesome. We should be able to love whomever we want.

As far as my “type,” I tend to like the semi-awkward guys, which is weird because awkward is something you want to try and avoid. My first boyfriend was very smart…like book smart (always in AP and Honors classes), he played sports, was in band with me, and had been my friend since middle school. The guy I like now, however, is a little different…he gets by in school, not exactly straight A’s, but he still gets the grades he needs to pass so it’s not like he doesn’t try at all. He collects comic books, is obsessed with Star Wars and other superheroes like Superman, Batman, and all those other ones. He’s a self-proclaimed nerd and is proud of it. So what do these two have in common? For one, they were/are my friend…so they’re sensitive, thoughtful, caring, and passionate about something. For my ex-boyfriend it was sports and for this current guy, it embodies everything that a typical nerd likes.

So I guess to answer the question, no, I do not have a definite type. Each guy is different and each will have great qualities and not-so-great qualities about him. But because I’m more of an introverted person, I tend to like the calmer guys…the ones who aren’t out there and loud. As long as he treats me with respect and SHOWS me he cares, then that’s my type. Otherwise, there’s the door.

-beautifuldarkmystery

When it comes to dating, do you have a type, or do you play the field and just see what happens?