So pretty much as of right now, “Tom” and I are just friends. It’s so hard though because I really like him and I’m pretty sure he likes me too, but if we’re not ready, I’m not going to push it. I’m just worried he’s going to find another girl and then I’ll feel like I ruined my chance with him.
It’s kind of weird though because when we text each other, it doesn’t sound like we’re just friends. It’s obvious there are feelings there, it’s just different than before because now we know for sure that we like each other. I am really anxious to see how this semester will go. We have one class together and I’ll take it…it’s better than nothing. Maybe by seeing each other on a more weekly basis, things won’t feel so awkward.
Another thing I need to keep telling myself…fall for words, NOT actions. He texts me sweet things all the time…saying I’m beautiful, and that he loves me. No, I can’t fall for that, and I’ve made it very clear to him that if he cares about me, to show me. He keeps telling me that he never knows what to say or do around me because all he wants to do is impress me. But I told him, all he has to do is be himself and show me how he feels. In my eyes, actions always speak louder than words.
I’ve gone this whole break without seeing him and to be honest, I can’t remember the last time I missed someone so much. He made a point of telling me that he was going to invite me over to watch movies with him, but it never happened because he got sick. Truthfully, I’m not sure if he would have actually gone through with it. Right now it just seems all talk, no action. But I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I shouldn’t be so hard on him.
Honestly, the last time I had strong feelings for someone was when I was dating my ex-boyfriend. Tom is the first guy I’ve been able to like since then, so there’s kind of a lot riding on this. But I know I’m still young, and I have my whole life to experience this part of my life I’m unfamiliar with. Most importantly, if things are meant to be, then it will happen. Knowing the way things have worked out in my life, something’s telling me that it’s not going to happen.
I’ll try to stay positive, and I think there’s a lot more work that has to be done before Tom and I get to that stage…where we truly feel comfortable around each other. It’s so weird…liking someone so much that you FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE. It should be the other way around, but I get so wrapped up in my own head sometimes. I feel like I have to impress him as well, but I just need to relax. He’s just another guy. He’s my friend.
-beautifuldarkmystery
Have you ever been in a situation like this before? How did it work out?
beautifuldarkmystery 
nice post. loved it. i never knew girls would think this way. if ever the girl i loved thought this when then i would surely never let her go.
yeah, i have been through it. i loved a girl. did all to impress her. she stood there just talking all what i had to offer graciously. the moment i purposed her she rejected and said i was just friend. i was hurt. its been 2 years i guess. but now i have moved i guess. sometimes i remember her. that’s all.
i suggest if you love him tell him. just go to some peaceful place(parks) with him and tell him your feelings right in the face and ask what he thinks. these matters just suck up energy and focus from other things you need to take care of. just sort this out! if he loves you he will say yes and if he is your friend he will understand you. what do you have to loose?
I’m sorry you had to go through that and I wish the best for you. I’m sure you’ll find someone special one day and then it will feel like nothing else matters. If you’re happy and you’ve found someone you can connect with, then that’s what counts.
I’m not sure that I love him yet. That word scares me. I feel like it’s used so loosely today in general, but I really like him. He’s texted me and said that he loves me, but I don’t think of it as a romantic love. But, I’m not him, I don’t know how he means it or what goes through his head when he says it to me. He’s definitely not the one to express his feelings in person so I’m afraid of making him feel uncomfortable if I do that. But I definitely want to get to a point to where I CAN express myself and tell him how I truly feel. I mean, we’ve already confessed our feelings for each other and we know it’s mutual, but I don’t know to what extent. I think for now, I just want to hang out, let us get more acquainted with each other, and then I’ll think about maybe telling him what I’ve been thinking. But I definitely want it to be in person. I want to be able to relay that emotion.
I’m hoping that because we’ll see each other more this semester, I’ll start to feel comfortable again around him, but it’ll be hard. Because I like him so much, I’m always extra self-conscious whenever I’m around him because I don’t want to do anything to embarrass myself.
Thank you so much for your feedback and sharing your story. I try to post stories I think people will be able to relate to and I want you guys to interact with me and share your experiences as well. That’s why I leave questions at the end of my posts, so thank you. As long as you’re on my blog, it’ll be a safe environment, no judgement. Sometimes it’s just nice to know you’re not alone and that’s what I want to get out of this. 🙂 Best of luck with everything!
– beautifuldarkmystery
never got such a long reply. its appear to me as another post. thanks
I also love to connect with people like you and get to know better. if you pass by just check out my blog. i have tried to scratch some of my feelings there.
At most, i only can refer to my experience and suggest you. i would say that never let the person you love feel like being used. cause when i purposed the girl and she rejected then after few days i asked her if she knew already that i love her then she said she did ,so i felt like if she didn’t loved me and she knew i had feelings then she could do something better rather than wait for me to get all crazy and purpose her finally. today i think i just had huge expectation. but in your case,you do love him and as you said he is not one to say but it must be you someday.
but there is better option and it popped into my mind right now. do care for him and be there for him as you said you will be near to him this semester. just show feelings not directly . i feel that he will realize your feelings as she did in my case. the only question is how will he respond.
if he loves you the way you do i think he will response accordingly in positive way, else its better you focus on your life rather than going crazy like me and purposing and getting hurt even deeper like in my case.i hope you just focus on things you have to take care of(which i couldnt do). and if he didn’t realize your feelings then you cannot force anyone. he doesn’t feel . you move on. either way don’t spend 2 years getting hurt like i did. you need to be happy is what matters at last.
Hope it helps.
-yingfeelsyang
Thank you for your advice, I will definitely take it into consideration. Sometimes it helps to have some third-party opinions. I will ALWAYS be there for him because I really do care about him and he’s acknowledged that he’ll do the same for me. He’s told me a couple of times that he feels this immense amount of pressure to prove himself to me, and while that may be true, I don’t want it to become a job to him. I’ve told him to just be himself and accept me for who I am and there won’t be any problems. I have no intensions in making him feel used because I would never do that to someone I care about, that’s just not me.
That girl should have been upfront with you earlier if she only saw you as just a friend instead of putting you through all of that. But I don’t know her, so I’m not going to judge her. Maybe she has a difficult time expressing her feelings and maybe she didn’t want to hurt you. It just sucks that what happened happened. But I’m glad you’re able to move forward from the situation. That’s what matters.
– beautifuldarkmystery
Hey. Just thought I would share my opinions with you:
I think you should talk to Tom and tell him how you feel. I know men are supposed to be take the initiative in these matters but sometimes we useless! Ask him out, make it clear that this is ‘a date’. If he feels the same way then he will be up for it. If he doesn’t then at least you have your answer.
It will save you a lot of angst in the long run.
Hope this helps.
Thank you for the advice. Yeah, I just need to work up the courage and just do it. You’re right, in the end, it would save me a lot of angst and it’s funny because I know what to do, it’s just a matter of getting myself to do it. I don’t know why I torture myself sometimes. It’s difficult though because we’ve kind of already had this talk and the feeling is mutual on both ends. I think we’re both a little insecure because neither of us have had many relationships and we’re afraid of messing up the friendship. But I know that in order for this to happen/work, we’re going to have to take risks. But I think we both need to hang out more and feel more comfortable around each other before anything else happens.
– beautifuldarkmystery
The thing about guys you have to understand is the opposite of what you said. If you’re ever in doubt of a man’s feelings, focus on his Actions. I’m dead serious. Actions don’t lie, but what he says can be lies. You should read “Manslations” by Jeff Mac. It’s basically a guide to guys, and the best, most humorous book ever. It taught me a lot of what I know and helps me keep relations with guys in perspective. It sounds silly, but I promise you it isn’t.
Thank you for your feedback. I’ll have to look into that book, I’m pretty much open to any suggestions people have. And I know I have to pay attention to actions because actions speak louder for words. It’s easy for a guy to say the things we want to hear, but to show them is something different. I’m definitely going to pay attention to his actions as we hang out this year. The thing is that he’ll send mixed signals sometimes, so it’s just something I need to give some time and I won’t stress about it in the meantime.
-beautifuldarkmystery
That’s a good mentality to have- not stressing about guys. I agree too; guys can easily say what they think we want to hear and sometimes we’ll believe them, but we have to remain clear minded and realize when they’re making a conscious effort to be with us, or if they’re playing us. Mixed signals are not cool, and I would probably call a guy out on them, or at the least, I’d make him aware of my feelings and if he didn’t feel the way, I’d be able to move on knowing I put myself out there.