facebook friends.

Have you ever gone to your Facebook page and noticed your number of friends has changed? I don’t have many Facebook friends so it’s very noticeable when someone un-friends me. I just checked today and saw that I lost two people, and yes, I just looked through my entire friends list to see if I could figure out who they were…but I couldn’t. I don’t know why it bothers me because it really shouldn’t.

We live in a weird generation where social media keeps us all connected. We post everything from what we had for lunch to that vacation in Maui. Social media provides instant gratification in today’s fast-paced environment. You may not talk to someone every single day, but you can check their Facebook feed to see what they’ve been up to. In an earlier post, I mentioned that my ex recently friended me on Facebook again after a year of not speaking to each other. The weird thing about it though is that once added me, that was kind of it. We don’t really talk anymore and we don’t hang out or keep in touch. Does he just want to keep tabs on me without having to ask me personally? Who knows…

Honestly, I used to be one of those people who cared about how many friends I had on MySpace/Facebook. I thought, the higher the number, the better. But that’s not the case. I’m not the most outgoing or popular person, and that’s okay!! My numbers don’t define my worth.

A couple of years ago, I went through my friends list on Facebook and deleted people I didn’t really talk to anymore or haven’t kept in touch with. Sometimes, I found myself in those awkward situations where I would delete people and then they would send me another friend request and message me asking why we weren’t friends. So, I stopped doing that.

There was an instance where I removed this girl from my friends list simply because we weren’t that close and were more like acquaintances. Somehow she found out I had deleted her, so she then decided to send me a very angry message basically saying how we were no longer friends and she told me to never contact her for anything. She even went to the extent of blocking me. I never intended to hurt her feelings and I didn’t know she was going to take it so personally, but I felt really bad.

Why it bothers me when someone un-friends me, I don’t think I’ll ever know. But I’m not going to lose sleep over it. This is all part of life. We meet people, they stick around for a little while, and then they’re gone. When they leave, new people enter the picture and the cycle starts all over again. It doesn’t matter if you have 100 friends or 1,000 friends. A number does not define your worth.

beautifuldarkmystery

value in friendships.

 

I had a conversation about this with a good friend not too long ago and he told me how he sometimes gets paranoid over how he thinks certain friends value him. For example, with some people, he feels like he’s the one who puts more effort into the friendships, or he’s the one always reaching out. It makes him question whether some people really want to be friends or not. I can totally relate to him because I’ve found myself in that situation many times.

I’ll be honest, from the time I was a kid and all throughout high school, I believed in having one best friend. And when it wasn’t reciprocated, I would always get jealous. As I got older, however, I began to realize that just because someone may not like me as much as I like them, it doesn’t mean they value me any less. Some people are very vocal about the “best friend” label, while with some, it’s more like an unspoken understanding.

There’s no harm in evaluating your friendships every once in a while, especially if you’re beginning to notice drastic changes in the dynamic. If you feel like you’re beginning to question your friendships, consider this:

  1. Pull back. If you feel like you’re the one one initiating contact, pull back and see if the other person initiates contact first. If they don’t, then you’ll kind of know where you stand. As life goes on, we all become busier and priorities will change, but if you’re important to someone, they’ll always find a way. This leads me to my second tip.
  2. last resort. I had a friend from home who moved closer to me for work. He was one of my good friends in college, but as soon as he moved, he made little to no effort to see me. It suddenly became all about his new friends and he only contacted me as a last resort. Don’t get me wrong though. I was happy he was meeting new people and making new friends, but he would start contacting me at the very last minute, which I didn’t like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spontaneity. I realize that sometimes it’s easier to just do things on the fly. But for me personally, I like finding a time that’s convenient for both of us, even if it means having to wait a couple of weeks.
  3. finding a way or making an excuse. Do they find a way to hang out with you and see you, or are they constantly making excuses as to why they can’t get together with you? If you find yourself in the latter category, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship. That’s not to say you have to stop being friends with the person all together, but don’t put them so high on your priority list if they’re not going to treat you the same way. I’ll be honest and say I’ve been on both ends of this. I’ve been the one who’s reached out to people with no luck, but I’ve also been the person making the excuses because I don’t want to hang out. It’s a part of life. At one point or another, we’ve ALL been on the giving/receiving end of this circumstance. If you feel like someone’s always making some sort of excuse not to hang out, maybe it’s time to stop making attempts.

Friends will come and go. Always trust your gut, but also pay attention to their behavior. It’s not something you have to do every single day, but definitely pay attention to how they treat you. You may need to cut some strings, and that’s perfectly fine! It’s important to surround yourself with people that lift you up and get just as excited to see you as you are to see them!

beautifuldarkmystery

in a moment, everything can change.

Recently, I came across some very sad news. I found out that a student who was set to graduate from my alma mater passed away on Monday after being critically injured by a drunk driver early Sunday morning. Before I found out about his passing (or even about the accident), I was on Facebook and noticed one of my friends liked a photo of this boy and girl. I didn’t know who either of the people were, but I clicked on the photo anyway. When I read the caption, it said something like “…I feel so helpless…all I can do at this point is pray for a miracle…” Then a couple of days later, I realized that the young man who passed away was the same one in that photo. Judging from what I read in the caption, it seemed like these two were in a relationship. Now that he’s passed away, I can only imagine what she’s going through right now.

Why am I bringing this up? It was another reminder that life is short and precious. I look at my situation with my ex-boyfriend. At this point, I don’t know if I’m ever going to get back together with him. I don’t think he wants it as much as I do. But the point is that…we waste so much time arguing over petty things instead of taking the time to appreciate each other and be thankful that we have another day with that person. We may be three hundred miles apart, but that shouldn’t be an excuse as to why we can’t tell each other how much we value the other person. In the blink of an eye, our loved ones can be taken away from us. Any moment. They could be gone tomorrow. So since that, I’ve been telling him that I love him because I really want him to know that and I want him to hear it. We may not be together at the moment, but I really do love him with all of my heart, and yeah, we may argue from time to time, but I never want a day to go by without telling him how much he means to me.

I miss him every single day and the distance sucks. I wish I could see him and have his physical presence with me, but even if all I can do is text him every single night, I’ll take it. But I think it’s really important to say these words to your loved ones every once in a while. You shouldn’t need a special holiday like a birthday or Valentine’s Day to let them know you love them. Just the other week, he was having a bad day and feeling extremely alone, angry, and frustrated. And I just told him, “I love you.” He was so caught off guard that he even asked me where that came from. I told him that I just wanted to tell him. Sometimes a few words can help us more than he thinks. I may not know what he’s going through right now, but I can be there to support him and love him.

I may not know what the future holds for us, but I do know one thing…I love this guy with every ounce of my being. He will always be my first true love and I will never forget that. He means the world to me and I didn’t know someone could be this important to me outside of my family. I will never be the same because of him and I wish I could be with him right now. I’ll remain hopeful that one day it will work out like it’s supposed to. But until then, I will keep reminding him of just how much I love him. I miss him so much.

– beautifuldarkmystery