when one door closes.

As much as I wanted that job, I was fortunate to have been presented with a potential opportunity. One of my good friends from college recently started his own production company and wants me to be involved. Unfortunately, because they’re just starting, I would be working for free. Right now, my main priority is finding a job that pays, but I’m excited to be on board and help them out. This could turn into something great and I know it will. The two guys running this company are some of the smartest, most creative people I know. They’re passionate and committed to their work and I am honored that they asked me to be a part of this. Plus, it’s also very cool to see something from the very beginning and watch it grow over time.

Even though this isn’t a paying job, there are still many benefits to it. First, I’m in the field I’m most comfortable with, which is production. Looking for work in this industry has been very difficult for me and my internships have led to nothing. But I haven’t given up just yet. Second, I’m working with people I already know and trust, who have my best interests at heart. I know they won’t take advantage of me or anything like that. Third, it’s giving me experience with managing multiple projects at once, while also giving me the opportunity to expand my knowledge in digital media, which is kind of the direction I’m leaning towards at the moment.

There’s still a lot in the air at the moment, but like I said, I think this will lead to great things. I am hoping I will have a full time job by the end of this month. I’m still sticking with my October deadline, but the sooner, the better.

It’s been a frustrating couple of years trying to figure everything out and just feeling so lost. A part of me feels like I’m making this more difficult than it should be, but then the other half of me just doesn’t know what to do. Yes, the future freaks me out and I wish there was some way I could guarantee that I will be okay. But I can only live for now and do everything I can to ensure I will be okay. I know things have a way of working themselves out, and I feel like it’s happening right now. Everything happens for a reason and I think I need to have some faith and trust that this is all meant to be a part of my journey.

beautifuldarkmystery

Advertisements

rejection.

Last month, I interviewed with a company I really wanted to work for. At the time, she said there may be a position opening up in July. When July came around, I sent her a quick followup e-mail just to check in and see if it ever opened up, but I never heard from her.

I decided to try and reach out to her one last time so I sent another e-mail and she quickly responded and told me that there weren’t any positions open at the moment but that they would keep me in mind for the future.

This sucks. It’s been a long time since I’ve wanted something this badly and to be “let down” in the end hurts. But I won’t let it get me down. I firmly believe that things do happen for a reason. Oddly enough, earlier today, I was on a video conference with a good friend of mine. He just started a production company and wants me to help him. I always say when one door closes, another one opens….right? This could potentially lead to something, and if not, at the very least give me experience.

No one likes rejection and some people like myself even fear it. But it’s a part of life and unfortunately, there will be many more times I will be told “no” before I’m told “yes”. The most important thing to do is not allow myself to feel defeated by every “no”. I’d like to think there’s a plan for me and I’ll end up where I’m supposed to be, but figuring that out is the frustrating part. I don’t even know where to look and every job application I’ve sent I haven’t heard back from. As hopeless as the situation seems, I know that the only way I’ll be unsuccessful is if I stop trying.

One day, I want to be able to look back at these struggles and frustrations and say that it was all worth it. All the stress and anxiety….all of it. I’ve set a goal for myself to have a full time job by October. I’m beginning to think that aiming for this company was a bit ambitious, but I wouldn’t have known if I didn’t try, so that’s what I’m trying to focus on. It’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up.

beautifuldarkmystery

so i started summer school last week.

Wow, I don’t know how I’m going to do this. I forgot that since instructors have to fit a semester’s worth of work into 6 weeks, the workload is overwhelming! Oh well, hopefully I can manage. The first week is always a little stressful because you have to find a routine that works for you. On the bright side, now there are only 5 weeks left! 😛 This summer is going by so quickly, before I know it, it’ll be August. Then I have to starrt actual school! 😛 So much for a break, but that’s okay. I think it’s good to stay busy…just as long as its manageable. Haha

On another note, I am super excited to start filming my short! We’re looking at the beginning of August. *fingers crossed* I can’t believe we’re going through with this. I am beyond thrilled and I can’t wait to see how everything turns out. :’) This is a huge deal for me.

-beautifuldarkmystery

the end of the semester is nearing.

And I can feel it. Papers, projects, the rest of my midterms…I feel like there’s so much that needs to be done in six weeks. That’s it. Just six weeks left and it’s summer vacation for me. Wow. Where did the time go? I’ll save the reflection post for another day. You all know I’ll have a lot to say when the time comes.

My sister was on spring break this past week and it was great to have her home. She’s flying back tomorrow and then it’s time for the home stretch! It’s going to go by quickly too, I know. I really wish I would have been more productive over my spring break because I’m beginning to feel all the school work catching up to me. I’m simultaneously working on different major assignments in pretty much all of my classes. I have one more midterm (which is tomorrow), I have to make a business plan, I’m currently writing a 4,000-8,000-word Feature piece, writing a 12-pg research paper for critical studies in film, and breaking down a 116-page script for my final project in film management. Yikes. Talk about stress. I definitely wish I would have taken advantage of that time off, but now I pay the price. 😛 Lesson learned, kids. That’s why I haven’t posted anything for a while and it’s probably best I stay off of all forms of social media until after finals. I need to find my discipline again because this is unacceptable.

Well, I hope everyone had a lovely spring break and I hope you’re all well and life’s treating you just fine. As for my situation with that guy I liked, I am still finding it difficult to move on because there’s something in my gut telling me it’s not over…that there’s still a possibility we could be friends again. But, let’s not get our hopes up because we all know how that ends. I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy so that I’m not left sitting in my room over-thinking every little thing about that situation. I’m not going to lie though, the hardest part is when I’m up late at night, sitting in my room, all alone. That’s the only time I’m not doing anything and my mind is filled with all these thoughts. I know it’s like that for most people. But truthfully, though I haven’t completely let go yet, it IS getting a little easier with each day. Slowly and slowly. It’s a process. But I truly believe time heals everything. Have a great week, everyone!

-beautifuldarkmystery