it’s for the best.

Things are going great…and even though I’m sad that he’s not a part of my life anymore, I know that this is for the best. I need to learn to focus on the positive and not so much on the negative. I’m not saying avoid them completely…but more like, acknowledge that they’re there, but don’t dwell on them.

The hardest part is waiting for that right person to come along who will change your life forever. I hope it’ll be worth the wait…because I feel like I deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy.

Advertisements

just about ready, or am i.

My room is packed. It’s finally beginning to sink in. Although my move won’t be very far, it’s still a drastic change for me. At first, I didn’t really know how to feel about all of this…I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay where my friends are and where my network is. I wanted this summer to enjoy the fact I graduated college and be with the people who made it an unforgettable experience. However, now that I look at it, I NEED this. Whether I want to move or not, it’s time to spread my wings, make mistakes, and learn. I have to trust that my true friends will stay in touch with me and not completely forget about me once I leave. It’s just hard when I’ve said the same thing with my high school friends and I barely talk to them anymore. I want to believe that it’ll be different this time…that these people I’ve worked with and become friends with, I’ll be working with them after college. High school was tough because we were all going our separate ways. I want to believe it’ll be different this time. But I know that if I expect them to make the effort, I have to make the effort as well.

– beautifuldarkmystery

one of the best summers ever.

My summer is coming to an end and I must say this has been one of THE best ones yet. I got to see a lot of my friends, make movies with them, and just hang out and have some fun in the sun…not to mention, I got a really nice tan. But I must say out of everything that’s happened, one of my favorites is the fact that he and I have grown a lot closer. He pointed out the other day that we texted each other nearly every single day this summer. I can’t count the number of times we’ve seen each other. Overall, I finally feel like I can be myself around him and feel comfortable enough to make an idiot of myself and not feel embarrassed. For the longest time, I didn’t think we’d ever get to that place, but all I had to do was stop thinking about it and just let it happen.

We were texting each other again last night and he said he was at a friend’s house hanging out. He invited me over, but I said I didn’t want to impose, because I don’t know any of those people, and I didn’t want to be rude. If it was a mutual friend, it would have been a little different. Anyway, he kept saying how he wishes I lived closer to him and how much he wanted me there…he even said he missed me.

The other night, I was out with a couple of mutual friends (we took a spontaneous trip to the city), and I was texting him and he straight up told me that he was a little jealous that they got to hang out with me. He continued to say how he wished he was there with me, that he could watch out for me, that he wanted to make sure I got home safely. All these things are very nice and friendly, but a part of me thinks that there’s a little more behind it. I don’t know though, and I don’t want to begin to over-analyze this. We all know what happens when I do that…

It’s still hard to read the signs. I feel as though a part of him still has feelings for me, but then I also feel another part of him pull back every once in a while. But perhaps I just need to not think so much about it and let it happen if that’s where this is going. I mean, it seemed to work pretty well for our friendship. I’m just worried that the more I invest myself, the more I’m going to get hurt…and if I thought it hurt the first time, I know it’s going to be even worse this time around.

The reality is that I may not be around here in a year. My parents bought a house somewhere else and they eventually want to move there. So it’s difficult to tell what will happen. He said not to remind him though and that he’ll deal with it when the time comes. But basically we sort of made a pact, that we’re going to make this the best year ever, whatever that may be.

I want to hang out with him on Monday because he doesn’t have work and I want to see him one last time before school starts, but I don’t know if it’ll happen or not. I better start lowering my expectations and not build up so much hope.

-beautifuldarkmystery