So I’m hoping that by writing some of this out, it will help me get a better understanding of myself and how I think and what I need to change, so I’m going to start with three qualities about myself that I can work on. They are in no particular order.
1. Be more outgoing. As an introvert, I often like spending time alone as opposed to being in a crowded place with a lot of people. Hence, you’ll never see me at the night club, or at the mall during Black Friday (did it once, NEVER again). However, I’m in a major that requires a lot of heavy networking…that means talking to people. I don’t like talking to people because I’m always conscious about what I’m saying…like I’m going to mess something up. I believe in psychology it’s called the spotlight effect or something. It’s basically where you think people are are observing your every move when really, they don’t care all that much and you basically are freaking out for nothing. It’s not that I’m an anti-social person. I love hanging out with my friends and being at school doesn’t bother me. I guess it’s more of making an effort of putting myself out there. It’s something every introvert is not very good at, and hopefully, I’ll be able to work on that a little more.
2. Use my words. Since a child, I’ve always been very articulate with writing, but when it comes to speaking, I feel like I’m put on the spot and don’t know what to say. Especially with things like feelings or dealing with confrontations, I always freeze and panic because it just doesn’t come as naturally to me as it does to others. This is one skill I KNOW I have to get better at because in the future, I’ll need to know how to speak for myself and know how to do it effectively. I feel like I have started to become better at it. I took a public speaking course during my sophomore year of college (it’s part of our general ed, so there was no way I was getting out of that one). But I ended up surprisingly liking it. I felt like by the end of that course, I felt comfortable speaking in front of my peers. However, it’s been a while since I took that class (or have had to do a presentation or speaking engagement of any kind), so I may be a little rusty.
3. Not be afraid to fail. I don’t know where I get this from…but I am a perfectionist. If I can’t do something right, I won’t even attempt it. I know that such a thing doesn’t exist and that we’re supposed to make mistakes, and trust me, I’ve made a fair share of mistakes so far that I’m not proud of. But I don’t know how this came to be a fear. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself to please my parents and make sure that they’re proud of me because the last thing I want to do is disappoint them. At the same time, I have to realize that this is MY life. I need to make myself happy as well and I need to do what I need to do in order to get where I’m going. Perhaps this comes with being an introvert…we don’t like to embarrass ourselves so we try to do everything right. But I know that everyone makes mistakes. I just need to learn not to let those things get to me or take them too personally because that will ruin me in the end.
What are some things you would like to work on about yourself, if any?