There are some days I wake up still feeling like I’m in a dream, but then I have to remind myself that this is all very real. He and I are dating and we’re in a relationship. There’s no one else I’d rather be with and he feels the same way. When I’m with him, I get feelings and emotions I’ve never felt before. He’s really stepping it up and trying to prove himself because he knows he’s hurt me and he knows he has to make up for it. He knows he’s lucky I gave him a third chance, because I think most people would have walked away by now. But when you have strong feelings for someone, you always have hope, there’s a small piece of you that hopes that one day it’ll all work out. Well, just as I was about to give up and force myself to move on, he catches me off guard.
Most people would tell me that people can’t change, that if it didn’t work out the first two times, it’s not going to work out this time. Well they don’t know what we have. They don’t know that this time IS different. I’ve never been in a relationship like this before. I can feel how much he wants me and how important I am to him. I feel it every time I look into his eyes, every time he kisses me or holds me.
I’ve had feelings for him for the last two and a half years, but my feelings are stronger now more than ever. No, he’s not perfect, and I don’t expect him to be. All I ask is that I am a priority to him, and that he shows me how he feels, not just says it. That night he verbally told me how he felt, it was one of the most attractive things. I know it took a lot for him to admit it because no one wants to show vulnerability, especially when there’s the possibility of rejection. But he took a chance and had no regrets about it. He makes me happy. He makes me feel beautiful. He makes me feel like I’m the happiest girl in the world. I hope this lasts.
Last night, July 1, 2014, I said yes to being his girlfriend. Doing the whole long distance thing scares me and I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it, but the way I look at it is that it can’t be easy all the time. To me, this will be a real test of our relationship. We’ll see if he steps it up and makes it work, because I know I will. He’s lucky I’m giving him another chance. The way I see it is, yeah, he hurt me in the past, but this time feels different. He really is trying to prove himself and I can tell that he really wants it this time. Don’t let me down…
I don’t know know why, but I feel like I can’t focus at the moment. Maybe it’s because I’m coming off of an intense 4-day shoot. Maybe it has to do with other personal factors. Maybe it’s because I’m graduating college in less than a month. I have no clue. I should be doing my homework that I procrastinated on due to this production, but maybe I just need to chill out for a second a write about it.
I couldn’t be any more thankful for this opportunity I’ve been given this weekend to be a part of this production. Not only did I learn a lot, I also got to work with the people I started this journey with. I’m sad that my time here is almost coming to an end, but I’ll never forget the memories made with these people.
On the other hand, it was a little heartbreaking working with him…my friend I mean. It’s so sad to see two people who were once so close become so distant. It was hard being with him on set because I felt like he didn’t respect me at all…to the point, where I tried to keep myself occupied with other people and not speak to him. But I mean, that’s how life is sometimes and you just have to go with it. I only have a month left until I never have to see him again.
But I’m not going to focus on that. I’m really excited (and nervous) about graduating. I can’t believe it’s less than a month away. Time flies so I have to enjoy it while I can…because after that, everything is going to change.
I almost forgot I had this blog, it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything. Well, my social life has calmed down a bit and is not as exciting so there’s not really anything worth sharing. As far as things go with my friend, it is what it is. I don’t think we’ll ever try this again. They say third time’s the charm, but I don’t believe that’s the case with this. He’s already broken my heart twice and I can’t stand to go through all of that a third time.
In terms of school, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been working on some short films, I’m currently a Production Assistant for a new indie series that will launch at the end of January. I have an interview on Tuesday for a possible internship for next semester. I can’t wait! I can’t believe this semester is over. It’s definitely been a crazy one, but overall, I’ve enjoyed the journey. One more left…then graduation. I can’t believe it…