nothing’s going to change.

Same routine. We go to class, sit next each other, ask, “How are you?” and that’s pretty much it. I couldn’t help but glance at him a few times and think about how frustrating this is. I keep telling myself I can’t do this, but at the same time, I don’t want to let go. Why? Seriously…I’m trying to act normal around him, but I’m sure he can read right through it. I think he can sense that I’m pulling away from him because when class was over, I looked at him and said goodbye, and he kind of had this sad look on his face and he waved goodbye. I left the building with one of my other friends.

The day I find a guy who’s as emotionally mature as I am and serious about being in a relationship will be the sign of the apocalypse, I feel. I seem to be looking in all the wrong places. I’ve got to come up with a new plan here…

There are only about 19 days left in the semester, including finals week. I just need to hang in there for 19 more days. I can do this. I think. I wish he was better at communicating so we could just talk about this. But I know that it’ll be useless. No matter what I say, nothing is going to change. Nothing.