un-friended.

Yesterday I deleted my ex off of Facebook. Some people may see that as an immature way to handle things, but sometimes it’s necessary, especially for someone like me, who’s been having a difficult time trying to move on. Sometimes, you need that clean break from an ex in order to even have the slightest chance of moving on.

We live in a generation where our lives revolve around social media. These are the main ways we stay connected to our friends…we find out what they’re doing through what they post. I’ve been thinking about this for the past week now. I knew that un-friending him meant I would no longer be able to see what’s going on in his life, and he would no longer be able to see what’s going on in mine.

I won’t go into too much detail about my situation, but we have been in this limbo since we broke up (which was about five months). We weren’t even in a relationship that long so it’s weird calling him my ex. But anyway, he’s made it clear to me in the last five months that he still has feelings for me but he doesn’t want to get back into a relationship any time soon. It has been THIS cycle that has caused me so much frustration because I don’t know what he wants from me. One day he’ll act like he wants me, the next he’ll act completely different. I’ve been unhappy through all of this, so enough is enough. I’ve learned that I need to come to a decision for myself…that we are never getting back together.

Unfortunately, since I’ve been in this cycle for a while now, it’s made it super difficult for me to move on…which is why I resorted to deleting him off of social media. Unfortunately, I lacked the self control and discipline and found myself visiting his Facebook page every once in a while to see what he was up to. Then, when I saw he was hanging out with his new friends, I would get my feelings hurt and I would feel left out and then I would get upset all over again. I want to get to that point where I’m not affected by the simplest of things. So I need a clean break. Cold turkey. I need to cut him off. It’s the only way…for me at least.

They say you should always trust your gut feeling. I was reluctant for the longest time about deleting him from social media, Facebook specifically, because I felt like if I did, I would lose him. But the irony of it all has been that…I’ve been holding on to him so tightly and I’ve been holding on to the hope that we would get back together that in many ways, I’ve already lost him. And like I said, I knew that once I did it, I wouldn’t be able to know what was going on in his life. But that’s the whole point of all of this. I need to break this habit of needing to know what he’s doing. I don’t want to be THAT person. Anyway, back to my point, my gut feeling told me I needed to do this. If I wanted any chance of moving on, I need a clean break. I thought I would feel regretful and sad after I did it, but surprisingly, I felt liberated, I suddenly felt like one of those chains had been broken and I felt a sense of freedom. I know it sounds crazy, but I guess I didn’t realize how much I was allowing this one person to hold me down. I don’t want to do that anymore.

I don’t know if he’s even noticed yet, but I’m not going to tell him I did it. The whole point of this is trying to be as subtle as possible. I don’t want to make a huge deal out of it. I’m just doing what I think is necessary for me in order to be happy again. Sometimes we have to be a little selfish and I’ve put his feelings before mine for way too long now and it hasn’t been reciprocated.

I know that this is just the beginning. But it’s a step in the right direction. I want to get to that place where I feel no bitterness towards him. Right now, because feelings are still so raw, I’m a little more sensitive than I should be to certain situations. I know that deep down in my heart, he has a piece of me I’ll never get back…but if I can move on for the most part and be okay, then that’s when I’ll know. It’s been difficult because he was my first love, so unfortunately, it’s the only love I know. But I know I’ll get there some day. It just might take a while, and that’s okay. But based on how I felt after I un-friended him, I knew it was the right thing to do. He might see it as an immature way to handle it, but if he really loves me, he’ll let me go.

– beautifuldarkmystery

Have you ever deleted an ex from social media after breaking up? Why or why not? Did it help you?

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no regrets and i feel much better.

So that’s it. We’re not friends anymore. Last night I texted him saying that I’m willing to put all of this behind us and move forward. He said he was glad, and then I asked him if he would at least be willing to talk to me on Monday and he said that if he got out of his class early, he would let me know. I knew going into today that this wasn’t happening. I went into this with no expectations and it’s a good thing I did because I was right. He never showed up.

I was sitting outside on a bench waiting for him to text me and I was writing down all the things I wanted to say to him on my computer. I was so focused on my thoughts that I didn’t even notice that he walked right past me. He was with another girl, I don’t know if this was the same one I saw last Tuesday. It was his voice that caught my attention and I knew it was him. He just walked right past me and didn’t say a word. I looked up as they were walking away and confirmed that it was in fact him. I was mad, so I called my mom and talked to her for a little bit on the phone, in tears. I’ve done nothing but give him chances and try to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I can only do that for so long. A few minutes later, I see him walk into the library, with the same girl, and I was so hurt and so mad at him.

The thing is, at that point I wasn’t even hurt or jealous that he was hanging out with another girl. I was hurt because he couldn’t even be my friend. I don’t believe he did it on purpose, I just think he doesn’t know how to act around me right now because he probably feels that he ruined things. Here I go again, trying to defend him. I truly don’t believe he’s a bad person. I know he has good intentions, but he doesn’t realize his actions are costing him big time. He says one thing but acts another way. I think he’s been beating himself up over feeling like he hurt me two weeks ago when he dropped the bomb on me. But instead of trying to avoid me, he should have just told me he wasn’t ready. It was as simple as that.

All I wanted was five minutes of his time and if he would have sat here and talked to me, he could have walked away feeling better about the whole situation, but no…he chose to avoid it completely instead. No one likes confrontation, they don’t want to have to deal with the feelings that comes with being confronted. However, if he would have just listened to me, he would have heard all of the great things I had to say about him…how much I appreciated having him in my life, all of the things he did for me that he didn’t realize. I know I didn’t owe him any sort of explanation whatsoever, but I wanted to do this to try and clear the air, or at least talk it out so there would be no misunderstandings. I wanted us to move forward from this. If anything, I was the one who deserved an explanation.

After talking to my mom, I went to the bookstore to get some supplies and as I was walking back, he was walking towards me. I knew he saw me because when he did, he immediately looked down at his phone to avoid eye contact with me. I got to the bench, where I’m sitting now, and I sent him a long text saying that we’re not friends anymore. Was this slightly out of impulse, yes, I’m not going to lie. However, I don’t want someone in my life who refuses to communicate with me. That’s a failed friendship in the making. I know he was trying so hard not to make me more upset than I already was, but what he doesn’t realize is that his actions are only digging him in a deeper hole. His excuse for why he didn’t want to talk to me today was that he was still “feeling like s***” about what he did and he felt like he couldn’t face me. Okay, well if that was the case, all he had to do was say that! Am I wrong? But no, he chose to not even let me know he was going to talk to me today and now it looks bad when I see him walking around campus with another girl.

Obviously he wasn’t getting it, so I finally put my foot down and said we can’t be friends anymore. I can’t have people in my life who won’t communicate with me. His excuse was that this girl asked him to walk her to the bus stop and then he had dinner plans at 4:15. Okay A) I saw him twice walking around campus, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the bus stop and B) He had made a previous obligation to talk to me, but instead he chose to avoid this and not even tell me he wasn’t going to show up. I had to see it for myself! None of this would have happened if he just told me he didn’t feel ready to talk and I would have completely understood. He just doesn’t get it and I don’t know that he ever will. It’s sad because I want the best for him, but I truly believe he’s emotionally stunted and needs to make some serious changes if he wants to better himself.

So as of right now, we are not friends and I made it very black-and-white for him. Unless he can really show me he can be the friend he claims to be, I can’t trust him, I will never open up to him, I won’t even call him a friend. To be treated like a friend means you have to act like one. And he’s got a lot to prove if he ever thinks about being my friend again. The weird thing is…I actually felt better and even slightly happy after telling him we couldn’t be friends. I thought that was strange. Regardless, I am glad I finally was able to say something and I feel like I said it in an appropriate way, it wasn’t out of line. I could have been much more harsh with my words, but I wasn’t. I deleted him off my Facebook, and now I feel as though as weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This is a weird feeling because for someone I considered a good fried and someone I couldn’t think about living without, I seem to be doing just fine…so what does that really tell me?

-beautifuldarkmystery

And just for the record, I don’t feel like I gave up on him…I just got tired of waiting around on someone who’s actions contradicts his own words. If he ever figures it out, I will gladly be friends with him again, but like I said…he has a lot to prove to me if I mean anything to him.