wine is bad for you.

So here’s an interesting story that involves me and my mother. So when I was little, I was always taught in school that drugs and alcohol are bad. When I found out that wine had alcohol in it and that my mom was drinking it, I was furious! I used to get so mad at her whenever she drank wine that I would lock myself in my room out of anger.

Bless my mom…one day at a family gathering that was held at my house, my mom was drinking a glass of wine. I stormed out of the kitchen and locked myself in my room, as usual. When my mom came and found me she asked me why I was so upset and I told her it was because she was drinking wine and I didn’t like that. She then said, “Well Gramps (my grandpa) drinks wine, but you don’t get mad at him.” I replied with, “Because he’s not my mom.” Seeing the tears, the pain, and the hurt in my eyes, my mom took me by the hand and led me to the kitchen. She showed me the glass of wine and proceeded to pour it down the drain. She made sure I saw this happening so that I would know she wouldn’t be drinking wine for the rest of the night. As a matter of fact, I think that was the last time she ever drank wine until I grew out of that phase and realized that wine isn’t necessarily bad for you.

Looking back on it now, I feel like a complete loser, but as a child, all of that completely makes sense. I thought my mom was harming herself by consuming what I thought was this toxic beverage. But on that day, my mom made a sacrifice for me. Because I was that important to her, she never drank wine after that night. She didn’t have to do that, but because she loves me and she wanted to see me happy, she did what was best for her kid.

Today, my mom and I still look back on that and laugh. It’s just interesting to tap into the mind of a child and to try and remember what I was thinking at the time and all of that. My mom truly is the best for what she did for me.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Can you think of an instance where your mom/dad made a sacrifice for you as a child? How did it make you feel?

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home is where the heart is.

For the last six years or so, my parents have been renting out the house that we used to live in. Recently (as in from August 2012 until now), my mom, dad, and I (mostly my dad), have been renovating the house because we plan on finally selling it. Our previous tenant was a flake and fell behind on her rent so my parents had no choice but to evict her. When I went back to that house for the first time since I moved out (which was when I was about seven years old), I was heartbroken. It was a disaster. It was beat-up, worn down, and an absolute mess. I was sad and angry at the same time.

Trying to look past the horrific condition of the house, I tried to focus on the house itself, what it meant to me. Suddenly, a wave of nostalgia fell over me and I began to delve back into my childhood days, remembering this house the way I remembered it. One of the first places I went to was the kitchen. I closed the door and saw the familiar pencil scratchings on the door frame. Yes, I remember these like it was yesterday. My dad recorded my height, as well as my sister’s during the time we lived in that house. I ran my fingers over the weathered frame, surprised that these markings were still clearly visible.

Next, I walked into the family room, which is right next to the kitchen. An empty room was there before me, but as I stared, the room came to life. Couches and furniture began to fade into appearance and before me was a long table with kids wearing birthday hats. At the end of the table was me, the birthday girl. It was arts and crafts time and we were all making angel ornaments (my birthday is close to Christmas). It was as if this scene came right out of a movie, as the protagonist gets nostalgic over the past.

I continued walking throughout the rest of the house. I visited the bathroom, I remembered when I lost my first tooth. I walked upstairs to the bonus room, where my sister and I would paint each other’s nails. Then I walked to my old bedroom. Yes, it was a lot smaller than I remember it, but then again, I was small too. That’s when it really hit me. My eyes began to water as this nostalgia became almost too overwhelming. The way the sun entered the room during the afternoon…it was exactly how I remembered it. Everything was so familiar, despite the amount of time that had passed since I was last in that room. It was simply an indescribable feeling.

Over the next couple of months, the three of us worked on that house, giving it a new makeover. My sister wasn’t there because she’s away at school and doesn’t live with us during the semester. My mom and I did most of the scrubbing and painting. My dad did the hard stuff like replacing the floors in the bathrooms and fixing the outside of the house.

The moment I realized we were going to sell the house, was when I arrived one day and went to the kitchen and looked behind the door only to see that white paint covered the frame and our height records were no longer there. Yeah, I’ll admit I was a little sad. To me, this house will ALWAYS be home to me.

What’s funny about that is…we lived in that house for about four or five years. We’ve lived in our current house for about thirteen years, yet when we all discussed it, NONE of us have an attachment to this house. We all still really love the old house. I think that’s because we had some of our fondest memories there…birthday parties, slumber parties, Christmases. EVERYTHING. The memories I can recollect are the ones I had in that house.

I’ll be sad when it’s finally time to put the house on the market. In a sense, it feels like a piece of me is being taken away. I never realized how attached I was to that house until I went there last year for the first time since we moved out. I didn’t expect to get as nostalgic as I did and I certainly didn’t expect for it to be as emotional. But they do say home is where the heart is, and now I know where my heart truly is.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Can you remember the house you grew up in? Are you still attached to it? What do you remember of it?

i find this very interesting.

So I’m taking an Intro in Career Writing Class and I absolutely love it so far. Writing has always been a strong point and I love the books we’re reading on how to become better writers. It may not have anything to do with my major, but who knows…I may need this stuff some day. Plus the professor really likes me, so that’s a bonus.

Anyways, what I wanted to write about is blogging. I find it so fascinated that people, such as myself, tend to hide so much from family and friends…things we don’t necessarily want others to know…yet we come on sites like this, and publicly post our stories. Why is that?

And it’s not so much that I hide all this stuff from them. I tell my mom pretty much anything (because if I don’t, she’ll end up finding anyways, so it’s easier to just be upfront…mothers…). When it comes to my friends, I’m very careful about what I disclose to what people. I know there are people in my life who are just curious. The hard part is sifting through all of those people to get to the good, genuine ones. But even so, now that I’m thinking back on every friendship I’ve encountered, I’ve never found that one person who I felt completely comfortable opening up to…even my best friend of eight years. So what does that say about me?

But there’s a risk with telling your personal stories in such a public way…what if my family and friends DO find out? Well A) That is why my name isn’t posted anywhere on this blog, my avatar covers my identity, and I change the names in my stories, and B) None of my friends use WordPress (that I know of) or are bloggers, so I highly doubt they will ever find this. Basically, like I said, I wanted to create this vessel where I can get out whatever it is I’m thinking, good, bad, all of it.

I think for me personally, I like the idea of getting non-biased opinions about my life from other people who’ve experienced similar situations. Another thing is that I’m sitting behind a computer screen, where no one can see me. It’s almost like there’s a sense of security. And yeah, you may judge me for that and I may be a hypocrite for saying this because I’ve always been against people hiding behind computer screens. I’m talking about people who go online anonymous and start harassing and bullying people. That I don’t approve of. I’m not saying that what I’m doing is right either. But I believe everyone needs their own escape…one their friends or family don’t know about, where they can never find you. That’s what this blog is for me.

I apologize if this seems super disjointed. I’m really just rambling and writing down whatever comes to mind.

-beautifuldarkmystery

How do you escape your everyday life? Does it work for you?

being the oldest child.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t thought about what it would be like if I had an older sibling, but the thought seems so absurd because I’ve lived my whole life being the oldest. Sometimes I even wonder what it would be like if my parents had another child after my sister, which would make her an older sibling as well. It’s weird to think of what could have happened, but this is how things worked out. So what are the positives and negatives about being the oldest child?

There have been plenty of times I wish that I had someone older than me to better prepare me for some of the transitions I’ve had to make in life. College is a great example. I had a really rough first year. Because I was the first child going off to college, my parents had no idea what they were doing. We didn’t know if we could request a friend to be my roommate so I was stuck with someone who was a year older than me who made no effort whatsoever to be my friend. She was terrible and my younger sister saw how much it affected me during my first semester. Seeing what I had to go through, she decided she was going to room with someone from high school because it really did scare her. Because of my experience she was able to avoid certain routes.

However, that didn’t work so well either. It turned out that rooming with someone she knew wasn’t such a great idea either. I believe that things happen for a reason and while I thought she would have this great experience because she and her roommate were at least acquaintances, her experience showed me it’s not all rainbows and butterflies either way. Either you end up with a really good roommate or a really bad one, whether you know the person or not.

So what am I trying to say here? Being the first isn’t so bad for the most part. I mean after all, you’re the one who gets to have your driver’s license first, you get to legally drink and gamble first (not that that’s really a huge deal, but it might be for some people). Birth order doesn’t really matter because in the end, we are all living our own lives. We will all go through different experiences. Just because I go through something, doesn’t mean my sister will follow in that same path. It’s taken me a while to register that, but I think I’m finally getting it. It doesn’t mean there won’t be any more times when I think about what it would be like to have an older sibling. I think I’ll always be curious. All I know is that being the oldest child can have positives and negatives depending on how you look at it.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Are you the oldest child? Do you sometimes wish you weren’t the oldest? Why or why not?

living straight-edge.

It’s a lifestyle. It’s a choice. It doesn’t mean I’m better than anyone else. This is the way I want to live my life. I’m not going to judge the people who don’t choose this lifestyle so they shouldn’t judge me for the one I choose.

What is the definition of straight-edge? In general, someone who’s straight-edge chooses not to engage in smoking, drugs, alcohol, and promiscuous activities. For some, straight-edge can be a little more extreme such as following a vegetarian or vegan diet or refraining from consuming caffeine or prescription drugs. For me it’s the former, so that’s what I’m referring to when I say “straight-edge” throughout the rest of this post.

For one thing, I care a lot about other people’s opinions of me. I realize that this is my life and I shouldn’t care about what they think of me, but for my whole life, I’ve been seen as the good girl…the one who follows the rules, never gets into trouble, and stays classy. I’d like to uphold that image not only for them but for me as well. Part of upholding this image also comes from the fact that I never want to dishonor or disappoint my parents. I want to prove to them that they’ve raised a good daughter who can make decisions for herself. I guess another part of it comes from being somewhat religious and I want to respect that. It’s just the way I choose to represent myself, not saying that it’s better than everyone else.

I think out of all my close friends I can think of, I’m the only one who’s never drank, smoked, or done drugs. Over the years, I think that this is part of the reason why most of those friendships ended. They all know I don’t do those things, so why would they ask me to hang out if that’s what they’re going to do?  Yeah, it sucks, but again…we all live our own lives and we all have to make these decisions for ourselves.

At times, it’s sucked being the only one in my group of friends who doesn’t engage in those activities. Yes, I HAVE felt isolated and felt that it would be much easier if I just conformed to their lifestyle. But every time I’ve felt that way, I stop myself and think that I shouldn’t conform to a certain lifestyle just to fit in. I want to stay honest with myself.

So for those of you who are like me, unfortunately, sometimes it will suck. People will call you boring or think you’re better than everyone else because you’re “pure,” but just remember that you get to choose the lifestyle you want, but don’t change it just to fit in with your friends. If you’re lucky enough to find a good group of people with the same lifestyle as you then hey, that’s awesome. It is what it is and I can’t be in control of everything. Life goes on.

-beautifuldarkmystery

Are you straight-edge? If so, how has this affected your friendships (if at all)?

when did i become a germ freak?

Yes…I’m the person that carries hand sanitizers everywhere, hates it when people don’t cover their coughs/sneezes, and will go pretty much to any length to avoid getting sick. I don’t know when I became so paranoid. I think especially now…I go to college, there are thousands of kids there, I’m always in the library…it’s just an icky feeling, being around germs.

I got my first flu shot this year. I was actually scared to get it 1) because I HATE needles and 2) I’ve been told that you get sick after receiving the shot. Well, it’s been a couple of days, and nope, I’m not sick. The only problem I’m having is soreness/tenderness where the shot was injected. But this is normal. My body is making the antibodies needed to fight off the flu virus.

As of right now, I have a reddish welt the size of a tennis ball on my left arm. It basically looks like hives. It’s sore, tender, and burns a little, but this is normal. My body is creating the antibodies to fight off the flu virus. It’s really interesting actually and I have no interest in becoming a doctor. It’s gotten bigger and more irritating over the last couple of days, but according to the CDC, these symptoms are to last about 3-7 days. So 2 down, 5 more to go (at the worst).

I really recommend that if you haven’t gotten your flu shot yet, do it. You’ll be glad you did. Personally, I’d rather spend a few days sore than spend a few weeks bed-ridden, with a fever and doubling over a trashcan. Plus it prevents the virus from spreading. So positives: you’re protected against the flu, it literally takes 5 seconds for the injection, you’re preventing the spread of the flu virus by getting vaccinated, it protects you for about a year, and there are a couple of options in terms of the type of vaccination. My family got the intradermal vaccine, which was first introduced during last year’s flu season. It uses a shorter needle, does not go into the muscle, and uses less antigen (but just as protective), according to the CDC. Negatives: it takes about a couple of weeks for the vaccine to “become activated,” there’s a possibility you could catch the flu from getting the flu shot (but the chances are very slim), and you have to deal with minor irritation, burning, and tenderness after the injection. Again, I’m not a doctor so I’m not really a credible source, but I got most of this information from the CDC and the pamphlet the doctor gives you about the flu vaccination.

I got sick this winter break and actually, it’s been a while since I’ve had a cold…runny nose, sore throat, coughing, congestion, headaches, and all that jazz. It lasted for a couple of weeks but I feel better now. What usually happens is my sister is the carrier…she brings the sickness home and gives it to my mom…then it’s only a matter of time before I catch it. My dad is the lucky one. He almost NEVER gets sick. If I were to rank my family from the person who gets sick the least amount of times to the most, it would probably be my dad, me, my mom, and my sister…or something like that.

But I guess you can never be too careful. My friends give me grief for being so “germ-a-phobic,” but I don’t care. It’s a personal preference. It must work most of the time because I don’t get as sick as my mom or sister. But flu season is just about to peak so I’m glad I got vaccinated in time. Plus, I faced my hear of needles! I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve just toughened up and realize that it’ll  only be like two seconds of pain. I’m not going to lie, this shot did hurt, even though supposedly we got the one with the smaller needle, but once it was over, I thought, that wasn’t such a big deal. 😛 So get vaccinated! Stay protected.

-beautifuldarkmystery

my sister is my best friend.

Growing up, my mother always taught us that my sister and I will always be each other’s best friends. Today, that still holds very true. We both have had our fair share of bad friends, and through it all, we’ve constantly been there for each other. When my sister was brought home from the hospital, I must have been at least one year old. My dad has video footage of my reaction to getting a new baby sister. It was very apparent that I didn’t want one. Growing up I’ll admit I was a brat towards my sister. I’d rather just forget all those years completely because I was so mean to her sometimes.

It breaks my heart when I see siblings treating each other disrespectfully because that’s not how I was raised. In high school, my sister and I had these two friends. He was always mean to his younger sister and it just made me feel uncomfortable sometimes because I hated seeing that. However, over the last couple of years, I have seen them grow closer, probably because he’s been going through a lot in terms of figuring himself out, but it’s been nice to see.

But we fought like any pair of siblings, it wasn’t picture perfect. Things just never escalated or we never really had any huge fights. The older we got, the less fighting there was. In high school, we were attached at the hip. Normally siblings try to avoid each other at school, but we did everything together. We were in band so we pretty much always had a class together, we ate lunch together, had the same group of friends. We would always get complimented on how close we were.

Now we’re both in college and we go to different schools. It’s been tough trying to adjust to this new lifestyle, but no matter what, I know she’s always going to be there for me. I’ve noticed that the older we get, the closer we get, which I suppose is pretty normal. But I am glad my mom taught us to stick together because when everyone else walked out, my sister was the only one left standing. I will always be there for my sister no matter what. She’s told me things in confidence and vice versa. It’s always nice to have that one person to “vent” to when you feel like no one else will listen.

Plus, I get the feeling that we just get each other without even saying anything. It has to be because we’re related, but it’s quite amazing. We always seem to know what the other is thinking. No matter who comes into my life, no matter who I date…my sister will ALWAYS be my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has continued to love and support me like a sister should and I am super lucky to have her in my life. I hope she feels the same.

– beautifuldarkmystery

Do you have any siblings, and if so, are you guys close? Are you each other’s best friends?