value in friendships.

 

I had a conversation about this with a good friend not too long ago and he told me how he sometimes gets paranoid over how he thinks certain friends value him. For example, with some people, he feels like he’s the one who puts more effort into the friendships, or he’s the one always reaching out. It makes him question whether some people really want to be friends or not. I can totally relate to him because I’ve found myself in that situation many times.

I’ll be honest, from the time I was a kid and all throughout high school, I believed in having one best friend. And when it wasn’t reciprocated, I would always get jealous. As I got older, however, I began to realize that just because someone may not like me as much as I like them, it doesn’t mean they value me any less. Some people are very vocal about the “best friend” label, while with some, it’s more like an unspoken understanding.

There’s no harm in evaluating your friendships every once in a while, especially if you’re beginning to notice drastic changes in the dynamic. If you feel like you’re beginning to question your friendships, consider this:

  1. Pull back. If you feel like you’re the one one initiating contact, pull back and see if the other person initiates contact first. If they don’t, then you’ll kind of know where you stand. As life goes on, we all become busier and priorities will change, but if you’re important to someone, they’ll always find a way. This leads me to my second tip.
  2. last resort. I had a friend from home who moved closer to me for work. He was one of my good friends in college, but as soon as he moved, he made little to no effort to see me. It suddenly became all about his new friends and he only contacted me as a last resort. Don’t get me wrong though. I was happy he was meeting new people and making new friends, but he would start contacting me at the very last minute, which I didn’t like. There is absolutely nothing wrong with spontaneity. I realize that sometimes it’s easier to just do things on the fly. But for me personally, I like finding a time that’s convenient for both of us, even if it means having to wait a couple of weeks.
  3. finding a way or making an excuse. Do they find a way to hang out with you and see you, or are they constantly making excuses as to why they can’t get together with you? If you find yourself in the latter category, you might want to re-evaluate the friendship. That’s not to say you have to stop being friends with the person all together, but don’t put them so high on your priority list if they’re not going to treat you the same way. I’ll be honest and say I’ve been on both ends of this. I’ve been the one who’s reached out to people with no luck, but I’ve also been the person making the excuses because I don’t want to hang out. It’s a part of life. At one point or another, we’ve ALL been on the giving/receiving end of this circumstance. If you feel like someone’s always making some sort of excuse not to hang out, maybe it’s time to stop making attempts.

Friends will come and go. Always trust your gut, but also pay attention to their behavior. It’s not something you have to do every single day, but definitely pay attention to how they treat you. You may need to cut some strings, and that’s perfectly fine! It’s important to surround yourself with people that lift you up and get just as excited to see you as you are to see them!

beautifuldarkmystery

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my sister is my best friend.

Growing up, my mother always taught us that my sister and I will always be each other’s best friends. Today, that still holds very true. We both have had our fair share of bad friends, and through it all, we’ve constantly been there for each other. When my sister was brought home from the hospital, I must have been at least one year old. My dad has video footage of my reaction to getting a new baby sister. It was very apparent that I didn’t want one. Growing up I’ll admit I was a brat towards my sister. I’d rather just forget all those years completely because I was so mean to her sometimes.

It breaks my heart when I see siblings treating each other disrespectfully because that’s not how I was raised. In high school, my sister and I had these two friends. He was always mean to his younger sister and it just made me feel uncomfortable sometimes because I hated seeing that. However, over the last couple of years, I have seen them grow closer, probably because he’s been going through a lot in terms of figuring himself out, but it’s been nice to see.

But we fought like any pair of siblings, it wasn’t picture perfect. Things just never escalated or we never really had any huge fights. The older we got, the less fighting there was. In high school, we were attached at the hip. Normally siblings try to avoid each other at school, but we did everything together. We were in band so we pretty much always had a class together, we ate lunch together, had the same group of friends. We would always get complimented on how close we were.

Now we’re both in college and we go to different schools. It’s been tough trying to adjust to this new lifestyle, but no matter what, I know she’s always going to be there for me. I’ve noticed that the older we get, the closer we get, which I suppose is pretty normal. But I am glad my mom taught us to stick together because when everyone else walked out, my sister was the only one left standing. I will always be there for my sister no matter what. She’s told me things in confidence and vice versa. It’s always nice to have that one person to “vent” to when you feel like no one else will listen.

Plus, I get the feeling that we just get each other without even saying anything. It has to be because we’re related, but it’s quite amazing. We always seem to know what the other is thinking. No matter who comes into my life, no matter who I date…my sister will ALWAYS be my best friend. I don’t know what I would do without her. She has continued to love and support me like a sister should and I am super lucky to have her in my life. I hope she feels the same.

– beautifuldarkmystery

Do you have any siblings, and if so, are you guys close? Are you each other’s best friends?