today was perfect.

A group of us hung out at the beach today. He was there and I was so happy to see him. I feel like the more I see him, the more I find myself falling harder. One of my friends became suspicious and asked me if we’re going out. I said no and he looked shocked. I guess he could tell by the way we were interacting with each other that there was something going on.

Basically he kept trying to find ways to hug me. If he made a jab at me or said some snappy remark, he quickly returned it with a laugh and a hug. He gave me back rubs/massages while we were sitting down. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. We tried tickling each other, but he kept grabbing my hands so I couldn’t get him. He basically shoved me in the ocean, but in a playful way. It was absolutely perfect. ¬†At one point, we weren’t really doing anything so we walked back to where all our stuff was so that we could “watch it” and make sure no one stole anything. It was just the two of us and we talked and joked around. I kept giving him crap for sticking me in the ocean. Then all of a sudden he pulls me onto his lap and puts his arms around my waist and I wrap one of my arms around his neck. We looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. I sat there for a minute and just held on to him as he rested his head on my chest. We couldn’t get any closer than we were. It felt right. I don’t know how else to describe it. How is it that we can be so affectionate with each other but we’re nothing more than just friends? I don’t understand. Makes me wonder if he still does have feelings for me. The last thing I want to find out is that I’m being played. I know that people who are “just friends” don’t treat each other like that. I’d like to think he doesn’t treat all his friends who are girls like this. I’d like to think I’m just a little more special than the others. But I’ll never know…

I wish we could spend one day at the beach together. Just the two of us, alone with no one around, because that moment when I was sitting on his lap and both had our arms around each other looking out into the ocean, it was like we were the only people there. I wish that could have lasted forever.


best week ever.

So we’ve been spending a lot of time together this week at the beach but it sucks because I have to remember that we’re just friends. One morning, a few of us got there before everyone else so we just hung out. I went to the ocean and just stood there looking out into the horizon and he came up from behind and wrapped his arms around me. I put my hand on his arm and we just stood there. It was so relaxing and peaceful, I didn’t want to move.

He’s been worried about me because he knows how stressed out I get and I told him before we even started this that it was going to be his job to make sure I stay calm during the shoot. He’s done an amazing job so far. I don’t know what I’d do without him. We have a very playful friendship that I have to remind myself that we’re just friends. Sometimes it feels like something more though. I don’t think he gets that. To him, he thinks he’s just being nice while I’m interpreting it as something else.

Thursday was his last day with us for the week. I was sent out to get lunch for everyone and the director asked him if he wanted to go with me. Without hesitation he said yes. So we drove to get sandwiches for everyone. When we got back, he only had a half hour left with us. I was sitting on a log and he came and sat next to me. He rested his head on my shoulder and said he didn’t want to leave. Unfortunately, before I knew it, it was time for him to leave. We stood up and he opened his arms wide for me to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a really tight hug.

It’s so tough sometimes because I want to feel like I’m the only one getting this kind of treatment, but I remember he has other friends too and I’m no different. It sucks, but it is what it is…


whatever this is.

I don’t know what this is, but we’ve been texting each other a lot lately. He keeps telling me things like how he can’t wait to see me or that all he wants to do is see me. He also keeps saying how much he wishes he could have been with me last week. This week we’ll be spending a lot of time together. He texted me this morning apologizing for falling asleep on me, then we talked for a little bit.

The other night, we talked on the phone for like the first time ever. A whole hour went by but it didn’t even feel like it. I’ve really enjoyed the fact that we’ve talked to each other more this summer and we’ve seen each other more. Well, I guess whatever “THIS” is, I’m just glad we’re still friends and that we’ve grown closer this summer.

Anything could happen, but if anything, I’ve always learned to lower my expectations.