It’s funny how two friends can become strangers again. Someone you once knew so well, or, at least, you thought you did…is now just a name and face. I never thought that was possible, until I experienced it.
Yes, there are times I find myself wondering how he’s doing, if he’s happy. It seems like it. But sometimes, I want to know what he’s really thinking. We both know he’s always been good at putting on a facade, acting like everything’s okay. Well, regardless, I hope he’s happy.
I wish I could be a part of that happiness. I wish I could be a part of his present. But now he’s a part of my past. This is a time when we’re both experiencing important milestones in our lives and there are moments when I wish I could just share all of that with him. But then I remember our situation. I wish I didn’t have to be so extreme. I wish I didn’t have to cut him out of my life and that we could still be friends right now. But if I want ANY chance of moving on and being happy again, this is what I have to do.
It feels like I am mourning the death of a friend. There’s an emptiness inside of me, a void that cannot be filled. I miss having that one person I shared everything with. The one person I had some of the best memories with. Three years of it and now it’s gone, just like that.
It hurts, but I do the best I can. And I know that with each passing day, it will get better. But I will never be whole again. He has a piece of my heart I will never get back.