People say that you’ve got to have a little patience…that when the right person comes along, it’ll be worth it. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve. I’m slowly but surely beginning to truly understand that and accept that. I want to be happy with the person I’m in a relationship. I don’t want to feel self-conscious, guarded, like I’m not good enough. And something tells me I’ll know when I’ve met the right person. I just wish I knew when. But that’s what’s great about life. It presents you with something when you least expect it.
I’ve been doing significantly better this week. I think I am finally beginning to accept the reality of my situation…that he and I are never going to be in the relationship again. I’ve tried to stay optimistic for so long, I’ve continued to hold on to hope, but I am only hurting myself by doing so.
I AM hanging out with him tomorrow, but it’s going to be different and I have to be conscientious of it. I know exactly what he’s going to say and do to reel me back in (because that’s what he always does when he feels like he’s starting to “lose” me or if he gets the slightest feeling that I’m moving on. If he wanted me, he could have had me…but yet, we continue to sit here in this limbo which has caused me agonizing pain, to the point where it’s affected me both physically and mentally. That’s not good.
The other morning, I woke up feeling different. I felt happy…genuinely happy. Despite whatever I’m going through with him at the moment, I felt a sense of peace. Now, I’ve felt this peace before, but this time, it felt different. It put me at ease and I had this feeling that everything was going to be okay. I don’t want to be a victim of this anymore. But I’m going to have to be the one to draw the line because if I don’t, he’s going to continue crossing those boundaries and I’ll never know where we stand.
I want someone who wants me. I don’t want to be an option. I want to know what it feels like to be somebody’s first choice. I haven’t felt that way yet, and maybe that’s because I have yet to meet that one person…that one person who’s going to change my life for the better.
I know you’re out there. It’s only a matter of time until we meet. In the meantime, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing, knowing that one day you will walk into my life and show me why it never worked out with anyone else. I truly believe everyone is meant to be with someone. It’s just that for some of us, it takes a little longer. And that’s okay.