It feels weird being back here again…not texting each other every day, not seeing each other…this is all too familiar. I know that right now, we both need to not be in contact in order to move on…because as long as we’re still “present” in each other’s lives, we’re not going to let go. It sucks because I’m finally coming to the realization that I need to start doing what’s best for myself, even if it’s not what I want. For example, I’m going home in a couple of days and I’m staying there for about a week. I really want to see him and hang out with him…but I don’t think it’s going to help me. It sucks it has to be that way, but I need to fight it. As much as we want to be there for each other now, we can’t. It’s too hard when the feelings are still there.
I talked to my mom and sister about this because it was starting to scare me how upset I’ve been over this whole thing. I’ve never been through anything like this so all of these feelings are new. But they said I just need to allow time to heal me back, and they’re right. That’s the only way really. It just sucks when the one person you’re closest to is slowly becoming a stranger all over again. I hate it. I miss being close to him, I miss telling him everything, I miss him telling ME everything. I miss what we had. And now that’s all gone.
It seems like he’s already started to move on. I wish I could say the same, but deep down inside I am hurting. But I act like nothing is wrong…I want this week to be fun. I don’t want to think about what’s going on.