losing hope.

I don’t know at this point if I see a future with him anymore…if I see us getting back together…because everything I’ve been feeling is beginning to push me away from him. I can guarantee you this has everything to do with what happened in the past and that’s unfortunate because I really wanted to let all of that go and start over. But past behaviors predict future ones. The feelings I’m getting are all signs that I do not trust him. That’s no way to begin a relationship, if we were to get back in one again. This sucks…my heart wants him, but my brain is telling me he’s not the one…wait for someone better. This sucks!!! I’ve never been in a situation like this before.

A part of me wants to believe that if he TRULY feels the way he’s claiming, he would be trying a little harder. I hate that I think like this, but a part of me feels that he’s only saying the words I want to hear…just to keep me close. I really don’t want to believe that’s true and I hope to God it’s not. We’re not talking as much anymore, and maybe that’s for the better. I can slowly begin cutting him out of my life…because as long as he’s still present in my life, moving on will be that much more difficult. I have to do what’s best for me at this point…and I don’t think a relationship is what’s best. It hurts me to say all of this because my heart longs for me to be with him. But all I can think about are the two girls he’s been hanging out with and how he claims that nothing is going on. In my mind, I am preparing for the worst. I don’t know how much longer I can do this…

– beautifuldarkmystery

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