I didn’t talk to him at all yesterday, not even text him, even though I had many urges to ask how he’s doing. In a sense, I feel obligated since I’M the one who broke his heart. But at the same time, I think the only way I can begin to move forward for myself is to create some space and distance. It’s difficult because we spent the last three months or so texting each other every single minute of every day, we FaceTimed each other, talked on the phone occasionally…it’s going to be hard getting into a new routine. I don’t know what’s going through his mind or how he feels, but I get the feeling he’s starting to move on too.
I’m definitely still having some regrets about how things went down last weekend, but every time I start to go back to that place, I just remind myself that if we didn’t do any of that now, it would have happened at some point, eventually. There is just SO much in the air right now, so much uncertainty. With the fact that he might be gone for a year and a half makes my stomach turn. If we were to still continue our relationship, I don’t know that I could. I feel like long distance only works if both people feel completely secure with each other, and , clearly, neither of us felt like that. So in my mind, we were going to break up anyway, whether this fight happened or not…
What sucks is that I DON’T know if that’s actually going to happen. There could be a possibility he gets neither job opportunity and he’s still here. I don’t know why I don’t think about that. In my mind, I think he’s going to get both. Well, whatever the case, I do believe that things happen for a reason, and if we are seriously and truly meant to be together, we’ll find a way back to each other. I really do believe that…we’ve tried this three times now, and, from the outside, someone would probably tell me that it’s never going to work if it hasn’t worked yet. But the way I look at it is that there’s still something that keeps drawing us back together. I blame timing for why our relationship didn’t work out this time. My sister brought up a very good point. He and I started our relationship at the beginning of July. Immediately after that, I went away on vacation for a week so I couldn’t see him or spend time with him. I was offered a job/internship for the entire month of August, so unfortunately, we lost some more time there…and looking back on it, we didn’t really have time to develop anything before I move down south. I think THAT’S where a huge amount of this feeling of insecurity is coming from. it sucks that I see this only now in hindsight. But, there’s a slight possibility that we’re not through yet. I don’t want to plant any false hopes in my head so I keep telling myself that this is it…but I DON’T know what’s going to happen. I don’t know that we’ll end up together again.
With the way we left things, it’s not a yes or a no…it’s a maybe. My mom told me it’s important to be really good friends before dating. When I hear that, in my mind I’m thinking, well, yeah, we were friends before we started dating. But what she truly meant was…really get to know the person. I may have known this guy for three years, but have I really KNOWN him? I know it sounds weird. But we are both still growing and there are things about each other we don’t like or don’t know how to handle. If we really took the time to develop a serious friendship, maybe this would have turned out differently…which is why my mom keeps telling me that maybe it’s not over yet. She said we both need to go through hardships like this and if we can get over this hurdle, we’ll be stronger in the end.
Everything happens for a reason. They say if you love someone, let that person go. If he/she comes back, then they’re yours. If they don’t, then they never were. I know I’ll love him no matter what. In the deepest parts of my heart, I’ll ALWAYS want a relationship with him, I will ALWAYS have those feelings for him…but if a friendship is the only thing that will ever come out of this, then I’d like to continue developing that. I just really wish I could read his mind right now and really know what he’s thinking.
Can two people go back to being friends after being in a relationship?