So he got a little annoyed with me the other night because he said he can’t stand it when people choose to focus on the negative things. Understandable. However, I hate that the conversation became about what I need to change. I know that I’m not always an easy person to deal with. Yes, sometimes I do tend to dwell on the negatives instead of the positives, but I’m working on it. It doesn’t just happen over night. So now, whenever I’m around him, I’m conscious about what I say and how I say it, which sucks. But I mean, it IS something I could work on. No one wants to hang around a Negative Nancy all the time. I get it.
It’s also frustrating because I feel like he’s been a little meaner to me than usual, and I don’t know why that is. I mean, to him it’s probably nothing…but I analyze everything…body language, tone of voice, everything. As an introvert, that’s what I do. It’s unfortunate though because I’m still in that phase where I still like him, and I don’t want to do anything that’ll make him upset/annoyed. But at the same time, I realize that it can’t always be rainbows and butterflies. He told me he may get annoyed and irritated at times, but it doesn’t mean he’ll leave me. That was slightly reassuring I guess.
I feel like the further we go into this semester, the more my mind becomes a complete mess. I NEED to have this conversation with him., but my own fear is holding me back. I want to cry. In my head, I KNOW he doesn’t have those same feelings for me. In my heart, I want to believe that he still does and that this could work. Stupid feelings. I just want them to go away already. This is already painful enough WITHOUT the rejection.