So I think it’s safe to say that regardless of whether we end up in a relationship or not, I’m going to get hurt, just because I’ve been emotionally invested in this non-existent relationship for nearly two years. He wants to come over next weekend…I’ve loved all the time we’ve spent together this summer. He’s really made an effort.
However, it also scares me how jealous I get sometimes. I don’t want to be, but I don’t know why I’m so insecure. Maybe it’s because there is a part of me that feels I’m being led on in a sense. I think it’s that part in me that wants to secure this relationship and make it official. I just don’t know what’s holding him back. I have an idea and it’s pretty much the universal reason why guys and girls don’t want to get into a relationship…they don’t want to ruin the friendship that they have. However, I feel like if there’s chemistry there and a deep connection, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and go for it. For all I know, it could turn out into something great, now that we’re more comfortable around each other. I realize the consequences that comes with dating him, but at this point, I’m willing to take that risk.
I need to talk to him and I need to do it soon. The long nights I spend thinking about what we could be are driving me absolutely insane. I don’t know why I choose to make life so complicated for myself when it doesn’t need to be. But I do fear that bringing this up will bring back that awkwardness and tension that took nearly two years to get over. I don’t even know what I’m doing…