A group of us hung out at the beach today. He was there and I was so happy to see him. I feel like the more I see him, the more I find myself falling harder. One of my friends became suspicious and asked me if we’re going out. I said no and he looked shocked. I guess he could tell by the way we were interacting with each other that there was something going on.
Basically he kept trying to find ways to hug me. If he made a jab at me or said some snappy remark, he quickly returned it with a laugh and a hug. He gave me back rubs/massages while we were sitting down. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest. We tried tickling each other, but he kept grabbing my hands so I couldn’t get him. He basically shoved me in the ocean, but in a playful way. It was absolutely perfect. At one point, we weren’t really doing anything so we walked back to where all our stuff was so that we could “watch it” and make sure no one stole anything. It was just the two of us and we talked and joked around. I kept giving him crap for sticking me in the ocean. Then all of a sudden he pulls me onto his lap and puts his arms around my waist and I wrap one of my arms around his neck. We looked into each other’s eyes and smiled. I sat there for a minute and just held on to him as he rested his head on my chest. We couldn’t get any closer than we were. It felt right. I don’t know how else to describe it. How is it that we can be so affectionate with each other but we’re nothing more than just friends? I don’t understand. Makes me wonder if he still does have feelings for me. The last thing I want to find out is that I’m being played. I know that people who are “just friends” don’t treat each other like that. I’d like to think he doesn’t treat all his friends who are girls like this. I’d like to think I’m just a little more special than the others. But I’ll never know…
I wish we could spend one day at the beach together. Just the two of us, alone with no one around, because that moment when I was sitting on his lap and both had our arms around each other looking out into the ocean, it was like we were the only people there. I wish that could have lasted forever.