i’m so stupid.

I practically set myself up for disappointment each time. So something scary happened tonight. My dog nearly died. When we got her to the emergency, they couldn’t get a heartbeat. I’ve never been so afraid. The good news is, she’s going to be okay. She was chewing on one of those dog treat things and part of it got lodged in her throat, so she was choking to death. It still makes me uncomfortable just writing about it.

Anyways, when I got home, my immediate instinct was to text “Tom.” I don’t know if it’s that I expect more from him, but I would have liked for him to be a better friend to me. Again, I think it’s because he doesn’t know how to handle emotionally charged situations. But like, for example, he said he was about to watch a movie, so I said okay, I’ll let you go. And then his response was something like, I can still talk to you if you want…as if it’s like a chore or something. I’m sure he didn’t intend for it to come off that way. Maybe I’m overreacting because I’m coming off a ton of adrenaline right now. But it’s like, no matter what, I can never connect with him on an emotional level, even if it’s just as a friend. All he could say was, “Yeah, I know what you mean”…and when I said I was okay, all he said was, “I’m glad.”

And now he just stopped talking to me altogether, and I’m not saying he should drop everything and talk to me, but a little comfort wouldn’t hurt. But I mean, did it not come across that I needed a friend at the moment? It’s time to stop investing my time in all the wrong people.

– beautifuldarkmystery


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