i’m conflicted, what else is new.

So “Tom” and I have been having some pretty good conversations lately. Nothing too deep or personal, it’s great. I feel like things are finally getting back on track between us. However, I am still thinking about the conversation we had last night.

We were talking about his hobbies and whatnot then he told me about how proud he was of me that I had “stuck” with this and actually gave it some thought as opposed to brushing it off like anyone else would. To make a long story short, I made a comment saying that it was like he was the proud dad or something because he’s very knowledgeable in his hobbies obviously and I felt like I was the little kid…and he replied, saying that I made it all weird by saying that. I took a step back at first because I mean, yeah, I guess it was a little weird, but I didn’t expect him to take it like he did. He said that he wouldn’t say that anymore if that’s how I felt and then I apologized, then after that, the conversation seemed a bit stiff.

I mean, here’s how I look at it. I felt comfortable enough, as a friend, to joke around with him like that and I told him that if he’s going to be friends with me, he has to learn to deal with the crazy stuff I say sometimes. A part of me feels like something else was going on. If he was just trying to be my friend, I don’t think that would have bothered him that much. Or maybe it’s just me…would you be weirded out if your friends said something like that to you? Would it be a huge deal? I don’t know.

I guess a part of me will always wonder if he does still have feelings for me…but he’s not going to say anything because of the huge fight we got into the last time this happened. He probably thinks he ruined his chances, which yeah, he sort of did, but I just wish that he would be honest and straightforward with me. Since the beginning, I’ve been nothing but sincere and honest with my feelings. If this were high school, I’d probably be doing anything and everything to make sure my crush didn’t find out I liked him. But this is different. Any opportunity I got, I made sure to let him know how much I care about him, how strong my feelings were, and all that.

I just think it was a little weird that he got THAT creeped out by one trivial little statement…and he once told me that there was no way I would ever creep/freak him out. Guess he was wrong. 😛 Oh well, I’m not worried about it, but small things like that will always get my brain thinking. I can’t help it.

-beautifuldarkmystery

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