i really want this to work.

After thinking about it for a while now, I’ve decided to try and be friends with him. It’s so easy for me to become so finite and definitive when it comes to things like this. For me, it’d be easier to just walk away and not have to deal with this anymore. But we had a very casual conversation last night. Nothing too serious. Just talked about school and the summer. I want to work on a short film and I had been debating on whether I should ask him if he wants to be involved. In the end, I ended up asking him and he said he’ll do whatever he needs me to do. I’m actually hoping this project will “save” our friendship. I think we need this. Film is something we’re both passionate about and I’m really excited to work on my second short film.

Deep in my heart, I really want to make this work…and I think that now that I’ve had time to let everything settle in, I’ve finally come to the realization that we’re never going to be in a relationship and those feelings will never be the same again. Of course, there will always be a part of me that has those feelings because they don’t just go away. However, I’m beginning to see that this is not the end of the world and that maybe this is for the best. I know I’ve said that over and over again, but this time, I really feel it. I really want this friendship to work and I know he does too. We texted for three hours last night, and his responses were quick. So we’ll see what happens. I hope I can handle this.

-beautifuldarkmystery

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