So tonight I had my honors convocation and I posted some pics from the night. Then he texts me and says, “Congrats on the award, my friend.” The last two words fried me….really? I HATE being friend-zoned like this. Like, my life might as well be a soap opera right now because this is just too much. Right then and there I wanted to send him a message over Facebook, but then decided not to. I figured, if I did, then I’d be doing it more out of impulse.
But I am torn right now, and here’s why. Yes, I am glad we’re speaking again and on somewhat good terms. But I’m not happy that things are different between us now…like the way he treats me, the way he talks to me…I miss the OLD us. So I’m torn between making myself happy and making him happy. A part of me wants to say what’s on my mind right now and let him know that this isn’t going to work…while another part of me wants to keep quiet. There are only a couple of weeks left in the semester. Then summer will be here, which means when we return in the fall, it’ll be a new semester and I won’t have to see him around campus…hopefully. And maybe we can just “drift” apart. He just doesn’t understand where I’m coming from and at this point, I feel like trying to explain it to him will be like talking to a wall.
I mean, at this point, I really don’t think I should be sacrificing my own happiness for someone else. If I’m not happy in this friendship, then I have a right to remove myself from it. I honestly feel like the only way I’ll ever be able to move on from any of this is to stop talking to him, stop seeing him, etc. Every time I see him I’m reminded that things are different and that I’m no longer the one he likes or wants to be with, and that sucks! No one likes feeling that way.
I don’t want to make it seem like I’m giving up on him, but sometimes, if you truly love someone, you have to let him/her go. When it comes down to happiness, I don’t care if it seems like I’m being selfish, I need to be happy again and my happiness comes first. And sometimes, I need to realize that there’s a difference between giving up and doing what’s best for me. I know I can’t change a person, so why am I still doing this, going through the same routine…
I really don’t know what to do, and this is where you guys come in. Some advice would be much appreciated. I mean, right now, I’m leaning more towards just keeping quiet until the end of the semester and slowly start to pull away as he fades out of my life. In a way, that’s not good for my happiness, because it means two weeks of being unhappy around him. But at the same time, I feel that by doing things this way, not only are we ending things on a non-confrontative note, but in this case, I believe silence is the best way to let him know he did something wrong. If he decides to randomly ask me what happened, then I can explain. But I won’t be aggressive about it, jut real and honest. I don’t know. What do you think?