So today, I had class with him but I noticed he sat in the back of the classroom, which I thought was odd. I mean, we’re on speaking terms again, I figured he would have sit with me and the rest of our friends, but I didn’t pay any attention to it. He came in late, so I figured he didn’t want to disrupt the class, which is understandable.
Later on in the afternoon, he texts me apologizing for not talking to me today and that he didn’t want me to think that he didn’t want to sit with me. This made me feel a little weird, only because I don’t want to feel like I’m controlling his life. Like, now he’s going to apologize for the littlest of things because he thinks that one thing is going to set me off? At the same time, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because I think he truly knows he screwed up and because we’re on eggshells right now, he’s trying to be extra careful because he doesn’t want to upset me again, I get it. But at the same time, I don’t like when people put me in that position, where they feel like they need to get “permission” from me. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it’s a weird feeling. But I’m going to work with it and hope that’s he really trying and not just saying the things I want to hear. Only time will tell.
He still doesn’t seem to grasp the fact that just because he says “I’m sorry” it doesn’t mean it automatically solves everything. A person can say it over and over again, but it has no meaning unless he/she can SHOW it. That being said, every time he apologizes for these insignificant things, I don’t really know what to say or how to react, because in my mind, he still has to SHOW me that our friendship is important to him. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being too hard on him? I have my reasons though. In my own defense, I don’t have time to sit here and have the same mistakes happen over and over again with the same person. If he’s going to be in this friendship, then some things are going to have to change. He’s either going to help me fix this, or I’m going to walk away. I honestly want to believe he’s trying, but we’ve got a long way to go.