untitled.

I wrote this a few days ago at 2AM…just thought I’d share it.

It’s nearly two in the morning.
If we were still friends right now,

We’d joke about how late it is for me.
That my bedtime was four hours ago.
But we are not friends.
My mind still comes back to you.
Why?
The silence is deafening. 
I just want to sleep.
Drowning in a sea of hypothetical scenarios.
What if I’d said this differently?
What if I did this instead?
What if I never said anything at all?
It’s a constant mind game.
Remorse, regret, repeat.
Over-thinking kills.
Clearly, you’re fine without me.
So why can’t I feel the same way?
I wish I could move on.
But I can’t. 
Something’s holding me back.
A feeling from my gut.
Not my heart this time.
Something is saying,
This is not the end for you and me.
Everything happens for a reason.
Well, it better be a damn good reason. 
I never thought we’d end up this way.
In a perfect world, I’d look at my phone,
And it would light up.
New text message.
My heart would race when I see your name.
I read it.
You say you want to make this work.
I say you have to show me.
Words are not enough.
So you come to school next week.
We have our first encounter since our falling out.
You don’t say a word.
Instead, you take me by the hand,
And pull me close.
As you wrap your arms around me,
I begin to cry,
Because I know I haven’t lost you forever.
And because I miss your hugs.
After all, they were my favorite ones.
You’d tell me our friendship means more to you
Than this stupid fight.
And we’d carry on with our lives.
In a perfect world, you wouldn’t give up on me.
I know you think I gave up on you.
But I haven’t. 
I’m still here.
Broken and bruised.
But still working, still hoping.
I know I shouldn’t expect anything more from you.
Actions speak louder than words.
And your actions have spoken.
But here’s the real battle.
I know you’ve moved on.
You have plenty of other friends.
You don’t need me.
So you think.
I honestly believe you need me
More than I need you.
Even though I know I don’t cross your mind these days,
I’ll always be waiting for that text,
A text I’ll never receive.
You may have put up the red flags,
Your actions contradicted your words,
But at the end of the day,
No matter how hurt I am,
No matter how how many people tell me
That I don’t need someone like you in my life,
I’ll always look for the best in you.
What does that say about me?

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