this sucks.

I know I did this all to myself…I really wish I hadn’t said anything to him so we could just get through the rest of this semester and then part ways “naturally” going into the next year. I know that it’s good to talk and express how you feel, but I can’t help but wish I hadn’t done what I did so that things wouldn’t have to be like this.

I keep hoping that one day he’ll text me…of if we’re at school, he’ll see me sitting outside on a bench and come over to talk to me. But I know that’s not going to happen. For him, it’s easier to just walk away and that’s unfortunate. What I don’t understand is how I still miss someone who doesn’t miss me back. It sucks because I’ll never really know how much our friendship meant to him because he never shows emotion and he doesn’t like to talk about deep stuff.

Yeah, I am kind of regretting opening up and sharing my story with him, but it’s done and I can’t take it back. He didn’t deserve to see my vulnerable side but I showed it to him anyways and now I’ll have to live with that. When will I learn? It sucks having to this class and see that he’s perfectly okay with us not being friends anymore. I try so hard to put on a brave face and not show him that I’m hurting because that’s the worst thing I could do…but I feel like he can read right through that and now I feel like he could be using that against me. This sucks.

There are some days I just want to take my brain out and get a new one so I wouldn’t have to think about things I don’t want to think about. As much as I try to keep myself occupied and focused on other things, my mind will always wander back to what happened between us. It’s the last thing I think about before I go to bed and it’s the first thing I think of when I wake up.

Well, I hope he’s happy.

-beautifuldarkmystery

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