So today, even though I’m still thinking about it, I was actually…happy, I was in a good mood. Maybe it’s psychological, but I think the weather had something to do with it. The sun was out, it was warm, and it’s practically impossible to be in a bad mood on a day like that. But today was the happiest I’ve been in these last two weeks. Maybe this is good though. Maybe this means I’m slowly starting to get over this bitterness I have about this whole thing. I don’t know though. I may wake up tomorrow morning and feel like crap again. But this is super weird. I don’t understand how I can go from one emotion to the other end of the spectrum in a day. Is this even normal? I have no idea what’s happening and honestly, I’m not going to complain. It’s not like me to get over something quickly, but if I can be in a good mood about it and not let it affect me, then hey, I’ll take it.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been “practicing” what I’m going to say to him when we finally talk. I’ve been saying all of it out loud too, as if he’s actually with me and I’m having the conversation with him. Who knows…I’m going to try and keep this positive momentum going into next week. I don’t want to fall back into this yucky mood. All it takes is for me to see him and then I’m back at the beginning. That’s one of the most frustrating things…you feel like you’re making progress and then you end up back at the beginning again. That’s how I feel right now. During the week, I get into this terrible mood because I have to see him twice a week in class and deal with the fact we’re not speaking to each other and we’re not really a part of each other’s lives at the moment. Then the weekend rolls around and that means three days (I don’t have classes on Fridays) of not seeing him at all, so my mood lightens. Then Monday comes around and I have to see him in class and the cycle starts all over again. Well, it’s time to beak the cycle! I need to regain my footing and not allow one person to have THIS MUCH control over me. I mean, come on! A little ridiculous, yeah?
I’ve been writing in my journal too. I think that’s also helped. Man, it sure is great to have all these outlets for me to express myself. Otherwise I think I would lose my sanity. And thanks to those of you who’ve been helping me with this situation. You’ve given me some great advice that I’ve taken to heart and it definitely gives me something to think about.
I’m going to make this week a great week. I’m not going to allow one person to ruin it for me. I’m better and stronger than that. I’m going to keep my head up, smile, and breathe in a new sense of confidence. Now if I can keep telling myself that, I’ll be back on track again.