i miss him, but i’m still upset.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to talk to him after spring break, which, for me is in a couple of weeks. I don’t want to be mad at him anymore, but I want to give this enough time so that he knows this is not okay. It is NOT okay to play with someone’s feelings. I don’t know what his intentions were of telling me how he felt if he was going to move on so easily. But I miss him so much, yes, even though this whole situation sucks and I’m still hurting…I miss talking to him, I miss his hugs, I miss sitting next to him in class, I miss texting each other…I miss it all.

What is wrong with me? Is this even normal? I also feel bad because I’ve been taking my anger out on my mom. I know she cares and she just wants to help. Sometimes, all I need is to be alone and she refuses to let me sulk because she knows my thought process. Every time something bad happens, I do down “that path”. I can reassure her and everyone else that I WILL be okay. I realize this isn’t the end of the world, but I am so confused and I refuse to stop thinking about it…as much as I try.

I deactivated my Facebook account last weekend and I’m scared to reactivate it because I don’t want to see my worst fear become a reality. I don’t want to know anything about this girl. I don’t want to know any of it. But see, the thing with that is…how are we supposed to be friends if he can’t tell me about this stuff? It sure sucks when feelings are involved. Has anyone else been in a frustrating situation like this? Please, share your thoughts and experiences.

-beautifuldarkmystery

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7 thoughts on “i miss him, but i’m still upset.

  1. atmzeal says:

    the fact is, it’s impossible to move on unaffected after it’s known that there has been feelings between friends. i went through something similar, where i went out with a girl but only for a short time. i enjoyed being her friend from before we got together and i still had feelings for her when it happened. we tried the “let’s be friends” route but when she got a new boyfriend, i realized it hurt too much to see her with him. for me, the breakup didn’t hurt much. it was jealousy and nostalgia. loneliness and memories that could no longer have the same meaning.

    having feelings for another is like exchanging pieces of your heart. you give some away and receive some. your heart accepts those pieces from who you let in and builds upon them. so when you lose them, you feel empty. and the more you gave, the more it’ll hurt. that’s why people like to take relationships slow. why people become heartbroken. and often why people, who have had past relationships, know not to fall for someone too quickly. how much of your heart you give will determine how much you’ll be hurt in the end. if he was able to move on so quickly, to be swayed by some hot girl so easily, he never felt that strongly about you.

    don’t let yourself fall for someone who doesn’t feel the same about you. don’t give more than you get. and friendship, that just won’t work because of the danger of one-sided feelings developing. it’s only workable if the feelings were never that strong to begin with, which is often not the case.

    people have to treat you properly and should have to work to gain your love. and you should never give it away so easily. love is a lesson best worth learning from experience, not by advice or false perception. puppy love and good friendships. you need to set boundaries for yourself and be prepared to face the pain if you allow them to be broken. the best thing is to get out, do stuff, and take your mind off it. Breaking off a relationship by giving someone the silent treatment doesn’t necessarily mean you’re punishing him because unfortunately, not everyone cares. Some people will, yes, and it will hurt them. But in doing so, you’re also hurting yourself more by thinking about it. Holding a grudge or hating someone, missing them or keeping them in your thoughts will just keep the pain alive. It’s perfectly normal to go through this.

    Friendships only work if you can discuss everything in your life, what bores you, annoys you, or whatever you liked, did, and makes you happy. and it can’t work when feelings will always resurface. and they always do. i tried avoiding it, doing everything to ignore her happiness or sadness, talking and doing only what “friends” are “supposed” to do. i went on silently living my life, pretending i didn’t care, and being supportive of her if she felt down, but in the end it ended up with my heart being broken. The fact is, if he won’t work to mend the relationship, he doesn’t deserve it. your heart will often want what your brain disagrees with. it’s a thing called faith to trust your heart, probably because it’s a choice to be blind. and it should only be done when the time is right. for some, it’s marriage. for others, it’s a feeling that goes beyond infatuation and words.

    • beautifuldarkmystery says:

      Thank you. I appreciate your response and thank you for putting a lot of thought into it. I guess that’s one of the other thing that scares me. I basically lost him as a friend because truth of the matter is, you’re right. Those feelings will never go away because they were completely real on my end. And as much as I want to be happy for him, I can’t right now. Of course I want him to be happy because that’s what I want for all my friends, regardless if I’m in the picture or not. But I do believe this was a wakeup call. The fact he was able to put me aside and move onto someone else so easily, proves that he didn’t feel the way he claimed, which hurts even more.

      It just sucks when you always seem to be the one who wants the relationship more. I’ve found that happening to myself with my ex and this current situation. However, I have to have faith and trust that one day the right person will come along and not make me feel like this about myself. I hope there will be someone out there who’s scared to lose me because he cares about and loves me that much.

      Thanks again. Sometimes when I’m feeling lost like this, it helps to get different perspective on things. Everyone needs that every once in a while.

      -beautifuldarkmystery

  2. Michelle says:

    One day at a time girl. Guys can be totally oblivious. I was left by my boyfriend of three years for another girl. it hurts. bad. But that just means that there is someone out there that is a million times better for you! Trust me, it will get better. In the mean time… I’d like to introduce you to two friends of mine. Ben and Jerry πŸ™‚ Seriously though. Like I said before, grab some ice cream and cry about it, then get out of the house as often as possible! You will start to feel better. πŸ™‚

    • beautifuldarkmystery says:

      You rock! Thanks for your help. My sister actually told me to do the same thing…just eat ice cream and cry. So down for that! Haha…It frustrates me how guys can be so oblivious sometimes!!! Like seriously?! But you’re right, in order to get to that better person, you’ve got to weed through the bad ones first. That just means you’ll appreciate him more in the end. πŸ™‚ Thanks a ton! I’ll keep you posted as time goes on and I feel better. But for now, it’s time to get that tub of ice cream! Haha

      -beautifuldarkmystery

  3. wrigramming says:

    okay i do not know how long this reply is going to be.
    i previously have shared my story with you in this blog.
    anyway i think this is right time to share things that work out when my heart was broken and the way it was healed.

    the thing that triggered something in me from above was the fact that you feel he played with your feeling. i don’t think he played with your feelings. he is just the way he is. as everyone chooses best for themselves in life he choose someone better ….good for him…. and yeah how much you are upset…cry…do anything..it doesn’t matter. it simply doesn’t make any difference in his world. he simply doesn’t care. from my experience i think the one who walks off the relation has every power and other one stays regretting upon themselves. i was way sad cried and hurt myself for months. i am not trying to hurt you more but trying to say that whatever you do, he doesn’t give a dam. and why should he? so lets do something good worthwhile which makes you alive. leave him alone, he made his choice.its your turn to choose to be sad cry or do something good.

    for now i suggest you to cry, get hurt and go deeper in your feelings. i do not want you to be okay normal instantly because it is impossible. just cry ….go deeper in your feelings. really find out what you need. i realized i am type of person who needs to get whatever he desires. so today i filter and keep up to practical desire. it helps me to be happy. so just be sad …..until and unless you fully feel sadness hurt you cannot grow or feel happiness. so feel this moment of sadness try to learn about yourself from it. remember it and then move on. what i learnt from my sad time was – i had a somewhat mandatory compulsion to help people i help anyhow….so it is wonderful to know yourself bit more. and yeah the best thing is you can fake a smile and happiness but you cannot fake sadness,,its pure feeling. feel it.

    and yeah don’t repress any kinds of feelings. if you are angry just show it..shout saying fuck or whatsoever.if your sad express it….because we will become what we repress. so it is good to express yourself.

    if you want him to know that it is not good to play with feelings then you cannot make anyone learn anything …it is their choice..isn’t it? you just can define change only yourself. if he learns his lesson he will come. else what is the use…..it is just false expectation..let it go because he will not. in my case the girl left me and i was there and i still think someday she will return thinking i lover her truly..but that is just a dream because…if she indeed comes back then what kind of guy happens to be with girl who changes and contradicts herself….so it is not a good idea….

    in my case it was 2 yrs course and i didn’t had to face her in college..but what worked for me i think was i was crazy back then..i read everything …literally everything that was in my reach..self help books…inspitation books..motivational books..audio records..songs.musics…..old people’s advice..everything…slowly i started to heal..all this way i am proud always proud of myself. because my studies and grades were never even effected..so search for something sacred in your heart..there will be..like for me..it is studies.that was all the way with me in this fuss.and helped me a lot..to motivate…

    and now comes facebook…um i have deactivates facebook thrice and permanently deleted twice..and my current fb has fake name..and no real info…so i think we are same…haha…i may be extreme..anyway..sometimes i laugh at the way i am…and it makes me happy. hehe…

    so try to smile little bit…feel the pain in your heart learn something and grow..and yeah all great people in human civilization did something remarkable after heartbreak…so this is wonderful time to learn..grow…
    um and i live by believe that if i am good person than the girl deserving me will come to me…no matter what…so i enjoy my life hope this helps…best of luck..

    and yeah i do no want beautifuldarkmystery to stay sad..cheer up and keep this up….

    • beautifuldarkmystery says:

      You helped me realize a lot of things in your response, so thank you. Yes, you’re right, he didn’t play with my feelings, he was just doing what was best for himself. However, I still feel like I’ve been played more because of the fact that he was being sort of shady about it in the end, especially with the text he sent me that night saying he found someone else. For me personally, it helps to talk things out so I plan on talking to him at some point. I’m not going to tell him all the things he’s done “wrong,” I just want to explain my side of the story for what it’s worth, and hopefully hear his side of the story. I know he’s a good person and I realize he never intended to hurt me on purpose in the first place. The situation just sucks as a whole.

      With my last relationship, we fought constantly after we broke up because I was experiencing the same emotions and feelings. Eventually we met up in person and talked things out and it actually helped. We understood each other better after than and actually, it was at that moment that I began to let go of all the resentment and anger I was holding against them. So everyone has their own way of going about certain situations. And I mean, for all I know, you could be right and this could totally backfire on me. I could pour my heart out and he’ll never change. But for my own sanity, I need to do this FOR MYSELF. I think I’ll regret it more if I don’t. If he’s willing to talk to me, I’ll take that chance. I mean, at this point, I don’t see how I could be hurt any worse. I think this is rock bottom for us, so I really have nothing to lose.

      -beautifuldarkmystery

  4. wrigramming says:

    ummm i forgot to write this
    -yingfeelsyang………………hehe!

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