the big “L”.

So since Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, I thought this topic would be very appropriate. Love is a very abstract concept, as we all know. It comes in different forms and each type of love we feel is different. It’s like that saying goes, “You never experience the same love twice.” I think that’s pretty accurate.

How do you know when you love someone? I’m asking all of you because I’m not sure that I’ve ever experienced it. I mean, I know the love from my family, but that’s a little different. I’m talking about relationships. Your boyfriend. Your girlfriend. When I was in my first relationship, we used that word so loosely and we never even said it to each other’s faces. Looking back on it, we both realized that we did love each other, it just wasn’t in the way I wanted it. At the time, I thought I loved him romantically. But now that it’s in the past, whenever I reflect on it, I think that when I said I loved him, I meant it as a friend. I wanted him to be happy, regardless if I was in the picture or not and to be honest, I still feel that way. I really do wish him the best and hope life’s treating him well.

Now I’ve got this new guy. We’re technically not in a relationship, but sometimes we act like it. I think labels scare him, so that’s why we’re taking it slow and just seeing where this goes. Some of you have directly told me that I love him…from the things I’ve written, the feelings I’ve expressed, etc. The truth is, I don’t know that I love him in that sense. I want to, but I don’t want to tell him that I love him until I actually mean it. To me, I’d rather hear those words once from someone and have him mean it, rather than say it a bunch of times and not really mean it…just saying it because it’s what I want to hear.

I’ve never told a guy I love him face to face. I’ve never expressed that kind of emotion towards a guy so I’m not sure what to expect. But I’ve always heard that you’ll know when you’re in love. I hope that’s the case. However, with that comes a fear…if it took me a long time to get over a relationship that shouldn’t have even been considered one, it makes me wonder how I will handle myself in this next relationship…new guy, new feelings, new chances. I know that with every relationship, pain is inevitable, but it scares me. I know I shouldn’t be, but no likes to have a fear of the unknown.

One thing I AM sure of is that I really like him. He’s literally the first person I think about when I wake up, and the last person I think about before I go to sleep (as a matter of fact, I had a dream last night and he was in it). I care about him a lot. It’s just a matter of time until something happens. I know I’m beginning to sound like a broken record repeating that over and over again. But he’s something special. I am so lucky and blessed to have him in my life and although we may not be in a relationship, he’s my best friend, I can tell him anything, I trust him, and I really like him. The more I’m around him, the more comfortable I’m beginning to feel (like I can be myself). My mind has never been so consumed with thoughts about just one person before, so I think that says a lot. I would hope he feels the same way, but I can only speak for myself.


Have you ever been in love? What did it feel like? Do you think the word “love” is used too loosely in relationships and the dating world?

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