in a moment.

So I want to say something and I feel like this is a great place to get all of those emotions out. I am going to talk about a sensitive subject in this post, just a heads up. And please, if you’re going to comment on this story, think about what you’re going to say before you publish it (not that I’ve had bad comments, but for the sake of other people who read this). Thank you.

I was having the best day at school until I came home. My mom was in the kitchen and she asked me how my day was and the usual questions. Recently, I had lunch with one of my good friends. I hadn’t seen her in a while and I wanted to hang out and catch up. Out out of the blue, my mom asks, “How’s Nancy doing in school? When you had lunch with her you never really mentioned anything about it.” I told her that Nancy had a rough start to the semester. She was going through some personal things and on top of that she was adjusting to living on her own for the first time.

Then my mom told me the words no one wants to hear at the start of a conversation. She said, “Well, I want to tell you something, but don’t freak out. Remember there are always different ways to think about this.” I told her to get to the point already because now I was really concerned. Basically, I found out that Nancy was put under 48-hour watch. She was contemplating suicide. Now, I’ve known Nancy for about five years now and she’s never seemed to be the type to think about this. In high school she was very outgoing, very friendly with a bubbly personality. She’s very pretty and did well in school. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

My mom said she received a call from my sister, who goes to the same school as Nancy (they’ve known each other since high school too). Basically Nancy went to her RA and her RA directed her to a counselor. They did a psychiatric evaluation and determined that she was suicidal and then she was hospitalized. As much as I wanted to call her up and make sure she was okay, it’s really not my place or any of my business at the moment.

After I received the news, I had a flashback to when Nancy and I went out for lunch over winter break. Of course, my first thought was, what if that was the last time I ever saw her? It’s sad that it took something like this for me to realize…but at any moment, our loved ones can be taken away. I appreciate my friends, but I definitely need to show it more. When was the last time you told someone how lucky you are to have him/her in your life? When was the last time someone said that to you?

I think I’m still trying to process this because I’m still in shock. She’s one of the last people I would expect to have those kinds of thoughts. From what I’ve heard, she’s going to take some time off of school for the rest of the semester. I hope that when things get better I can talk to her because I’ve been through a similar situation. I’ve never contemplated suicide, but I know what it feels like to not have any control over your thoughts…that feeling of being trapped inside your own head. It’s hard to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself, but it’s not a great feeling. But for right now, she needs to be with her family. She needs to be home.

Though we may not see or talk to each other every day, Nancy was one of those people who helped me get through high school. She was there for me during my bad days and definitely there for my good days. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. Just because we may not be as close as we were three years ago, it doesn’t mean she’s not important to me anymore. I think she’ll always have a place in my heart.

I’ve never had to stop and think twice about how I would really feel if one of my friends was here one moment and gone the next. It’s something we try to not think about, but the truth is…this is life. It’s very fragile. We’re given one life and so we need to tell our loved ones how much they mean to us. It’s something I’m definitely going to work on.

(I apologize if this post seems disjointed. My thoughts were everywhere as I tried to write this and I wrote it in three different sittings.)

-beautifuldarkmystery

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